A Contest! Name That Law!

United States Secretary of Education Arne Duncan has not surprisingly said that he’s open to renaming the “No Child Left Behind Act” something else.   Before President Bush, for instance, the Clinton version of the law was called the “Improving America’s Schools Act.”  The underlying law is the Elementary and Secondary Education Act, it’s not going anywhere but a new name is likely in the offing.

Howie Schaffer suggested that the time is now to start naming names.  So let’s have a contest.  The person who offers the best name, decided via a highly arbitrary process involving me and a few friends, wins a signed copy of this picture of DCPS official Justin Cohen in a really tacky frame.  Runners-up get books.

785 Replies to “A Contest! Name That Law!”

  1. The “Flush Education Down the Toilet Act”

    or “Some Children Really Should Be Left Behind Act”

  2. Darn you, Julie Dalley!! You beat me to it!!

    I’ve been calling it “No child gets ahead” since Christ was a Corporal.

    Something new… How about the YACUD Act? “Yet Another Congressional Utopian Dream”. (and interchangeable with “Yet Another Congressional Utopian Disaster”, depending on which side of the fence you sit on!)

  3. “No Culture Left Blooming” Act. This both recognizes NCLB’s impact on the arts and saves money in an economic downturn by keeping the existing acronym.

  4. A colleague of mine suggested a long time ago the “No Child’s Behind Left Untested” act.

  5. The name does not need to be changed, only to refocus on the original purpose of the act. This is another Civil Rights type problem, only now the purpose is equality of funding for all schools to teach our children.

    Original act was:
    “The law dates to 1965, when Congress passed it to channel federal money to poor children in the war on poverty, calling it the Elementary and Secondary Education Act.” (NYTimes)

    Names like:

    Curb Children Imagination and Curiosity Act
    Government Always Stifling Teachers Act
    (or)
    “No Child Left Behind”

    accomplish NOTHING! Lise Quinn in the above post has very good ideas.

    Let the teachers teach, but give all schools equal means to do it!

  6. I’ve been personally calling it “Mo Childs Left Behind”. I enjoy dialects and I thought changing two letters to make the meaning opposite of the original namer’s intent was kind of witty. I’ve been told it is racist. I don’t know why, it’s just playing with sounds. In fact, children of all races and needs are left behind. It’s an equal lack-of-opportunity act. Maybe the “don’t think about education that makes sense and make a ton of money on testing” act? Oh wait, that’s too many letters…

  7. “No child left behind; no child moving forward” – is a good idea. It summarizes the best intention of education act. They really don’t want children lagging in education, but there is no intetion to allow smart children to realize their potential.

  8. By concentrating on the slow children, the top students are being unchallenged — if they can pass the base “competence” level, they’re ignored. Kind of dumb, if you ask me — the people who make this country great are the smart ones who thrive on challenges. But due to this law, they’re not getting what they need. That’s how you train slackers.

    So I call it the “NCAA” act — No Child Allowed Ahead.

  9. No Child Steps Out of Line. Originally called “No Child Moves Ahead” in our community, because the act appeals to the lowest common denominator and holds the stronger students back while waiting for others to catch up.

  10. HOW ABOUT “THE PUBLIC EDUCATION ‘HAIL MARY PASS’ ACT?” With the birthrate increasing exponentially and zero hope of reversing that any time this century; under-educated out-of-work parents swamped by the stress of their own financial problems and busy watching “American Idol;” tax revenues down everywhere; school systems everywhere out of money; gangs and drugs infiltrating classrooms everywhere; the religious freaks trying to ban science and re-write the curriculuum, it will take divine intervention to save public education in America. Q: Is there even a celestial superhero willing to listen? And if there is, can she respond in time for today’s kindergartener to graduate in 12 years knowing how to read?

  11. This is a serious entry. One of the choices for what became NCLB was:

    One Child at a Time

    This gets to the heart of the biggest problem of NCLB: AYP is pegged to a grade level, so that year to year comparisons are between completely different kids. This is crazy.

    Kids should be tracked individually, and results applied to the school atteneded and teachers they have. I’ve read some reports from the stimulus bill that individual tracking is getting started. But will it be applied to AYP and thus sanctions? I hope so.

  12. How about, “No Child Left Ahead?”

    Because that’s exactly what it is doing. By dumbing down the classroom material to reach the lower level students we are then by doing a disservice to those students who thrive in the classroom. To think that all students will all be able to reach a certain level, by a set specific time in their development is a utopianism, and will not amount to much other than highly qualified teachers loosing their jobs due to insufficient standardized test grades. Boo to this act! I believe we should go back to how it was, you learned because you wanted to not because it was forced.

    But whatever, I’m, “old school”. . . And I’m only 23

  13. Not the most clever, but puts the two most popular buzz-words together

    Raising the Bar and Holding Educators Accountable Act

    RBHEAA

    or, in honor of Sarah Palin

    The Test Baby Test! Act

  14. How about:
    The Kurt Vonnegut Between Time and Timbuktu Act (I’m thinking of the
    ballet sequence here…)

    The Let’s All Strive for Mediocrity Act

    The Let’s Ignore Those with Special Needs Act

    The Swell the Enrollment at Private Schools Act

    The George W. Bush’s Only Enduring Legacy and It Sucks Act

  15. EIEO: Education Is Equal Opportunity Act

    AKAD: Access to Knowledge Access to Democracy Act

    AMS: Abolish Mental Slavery Act

  16. No High Achieving Student Given Enough Resources To Lead The Way

    No School Board Left Alone

    No Union Contract Steroid-ed Up With Health Benefits That Began Disappearing From The Rest Of The World 15 Years Ago And Are Basically Gone Now Left Unmodified

    No Negligent Parent Left Unshamed

  17. “The NEA Has to Learn to Read First Act” because it imposes accountability on teachers, which is anathema to the union.

  18. The Schools are for Testing, Not for Learning Act

    The Let’s Catch Up With the Rest of the World By Throwing Out Creativity, the One Thing We Were Good At Act

    The Hold Administrators Accountable by Allowing them to Blame Someone Else Act

    The Criticize, Don’t Fix Act

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