A Contest! Name That Law!

United States Secretary of Education Arne Duncan has not surprisingly said that he’s open to renaming the “No Child Left Behind Act” something else.   Before President Bush, for instance, the Clinton version of the law was called the “Improving America’s Schools Act.”  The underlying law is the Elementary and Secondary Education Act, it’s not going anywhere but a new name is likely in the offing.

Howie Schaffer suggested that the time is now to start naming names.  So let’s have a contest.  The person who offers the best name, decided via a highly arbitrary process involving me and a few friends, wins a signed copy of this picture of DCPS official Justin Cohen in a really tacky frame.  Runners-up get books.

785 Replies to “A Contest! Name That Law!”

  1. Thinking Optional Act
    360 Act- Because we’re right back where we started
    Delusional Reductive Un-acheivable Goals act

  2. Shortchanging education, here’s what George Bush said:
    “No child is left benind if no child can get ahead!”

    Let’s call it the Relief for Bushed Schools Act.

  3. I like “How Are We Going to Get These Kids’ Test Scores Up? Act.” I seem to hear this every day I’m at school; it must be the unofficial name for something.

  4. How ’bout “Nobody Wants to Admit That Their Kids Are Stupid or Are Suffering From Their Parents’ Batterings by the Misfortunes of Life or Poor Lifestyle Choices, So Lets Blame It All on the Teachers and Administrators Act”?

  5. How about:

    “Mandatory Redacting of All Baby-Boomers Rebranding of the Appropriately-Named ‘Elementary and Secondary Education Act'”

  6. Not Yet Smarter Than a Fifth Grader (NYSTFG)

    We’re Coming For You, Japan (WCFYJ)

    Tropicana’s: The Juice is Worth the Read (TTJWR)

    These Color’s Don’t Run (from Calculus) (TCDRC)

    Keep Our Daughters Off the Pole Act of 2009 (KODOPA)

  7. Stop the Kids at the Top Act; Only the Kids at the Bottom Count Act; Only the Testmakers Win Act

  8. Another Form of Corporal Punishment on Their Behinds

    A College Major in Test-Taking Can’t Be Far Behind

  9. How about calling it the “Making Johnny and Suzie Study as Europeans Do Will Ruin their Childhoods, So Let’s Stay Mediocre” Act

  10. The Real Effort to Make Education Meaningful, Broadening, Enlightening, and Relevant Act (REMEMBER Act)

    The “Politicians Who Say They’re in Favor of Education, But Just Not Paying For It” Accountability Act

    The “Ignorance is Bliss, Don’t Worry Be Happy” Act

    The “If You Think That Education Costs Too Much, Try Ignorance” Act

  11. The No Child Can Get Ahead Lest Anyone Be Left Behind Act

    The Let’s All Feel Good While Solving Nothing Act

    The Let The Only Kid Who Fails Hurt the School District Act

    The Standardized Test Tampering Promotion Act

  12. Replace Education with Testing Act

    Out with Educational Philosophy Act

    Teacher-Proof Micro-Education Act

    Stunt Brain Development and Waste Lots of Money Act

  13. The “Yo, We Gotta Take Another Test” Act.

    “Lets Boor the Shit Out of the Kids by Teaching for the Test Act”

    “Republicans Against Free Thought in Education Act”. or just the “Republicans Against Public Education Act” for short.

    How about “Let’s Gut the Public Education System so the Wealthy Won’t Have to Pay Poor Children to Learn Act”. or “If the Public Schools Fail We Can Justify the Voucher Act and Freely Teach Creationism Act, Act”

    My best one is “Dampen Independent Thought In Education So the Class of 2012 Can Help Put the Republicans Back in the White House Act”

  14. How about naming it for the letter sent to the parents of the kids who failed the test…

    YO Child Left Behind

  15. The Voucher-Readiness Act
    The Teacher Held Hostage Act
    The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy Act
    The Consumers of Tomorrow Act


    Bleed Teachers Personal Resources Dry While Walking Tightrope Blindfolded With Hair on Fire Act

  17. The dumbasses of tomorrow act.

    We learn gooder and bestest act.

    Students and Teachers Understanding and Pursuing Intelligent Development. (S.T.U.P.I.D)

    The I can’t learn so I’ll join the military act.

  18. How about the no idiot, who probably has never actually read the act, left without his thumb where it shouldn’t be (behind) while children are actually being left behind act.

  19. We should increase the physical education requirements for kids and rename it, “No Child With a Big Behind.”

  20. We don’t want an education system that makes our schools palaces of learning that install the joy of gaining knowledge. That would cost too much. Remember taxes? We just want day care. So clearly, we should call it:

    Day Care R Us Act


    We Can’t Do It Better But We Can Do It Cheaper Act

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