A Contest! Name That Law!

United States Secretary of Education Arne Duncan has not surprisingly said that he’s open to renaming the “No Child Left Behind Act” something else.   Before President Bush, for instance, the Clinton version of the law was called the “Improving America’s Schools Act.”  The underlying law is the Elementary and Secondary Education Act, it’s not going anywhere but a new name is likely in the offing.

Howie Schaffer suggested that the time is now to start naming names.  So let’s have a contest.  The person who offers the best name, decided via a highly arbitrary process involving me and a few friends, wins a signed copy of this picture of DCPS official Justin Cohen in a really tacky frame.  Runners-up get books.

785 Replies to “A Contest! Name That Law!”

  1. I think it should be named “Annek Act” meaning different in Hindi. Different race, different ethenic group, different age group, different color, different schools, and etc in terms of no child left behind – All sum up as ‘Annek”.

  2. What about:

    Retards Are Our Future Act

    Mammoth Funding Catapult To Avoid Mammoth Funding Vacuum Act

    The LOL Act: Let’s Obstruct Learning

    The Quit Being So Ahead Act

    The Hey-parents-if-you-want-to-go-on-a-drunken-crime-spree-we-will-just-fire-your-kid’s-teacher-later Act

    The Make Our Children Is Learned Already In The Future Act

    The Drug Party Act (interpret that how you like)

    But in all seriousness, it should be (and the name should reflect what it is):
    The All Child Progression Act

    Bright children are discriminated against in our society, although it isn’t always apparent. Just as an example, I found kids at one supposedly great school in the Special Ed and TAG (Talented And Gifted) categories. The Special Ed group was a three hour class with the obviously best funding at the school. The TAG group met once for fifteen minutes during lunch, and they just sat around eating the entire time. That was their first and last “meeting”. If anyone wonders why kids hate school, it may just be because they are bored out of their minds because they aren’t learning anything. Meanwhile, the only people who are learning anything is the Special Ed group, but because the teacher is teaching everything to the test, the kids aren’t actually understanding any of it. I am actually still in school, and the only time I have ever learned more than three important things in a given year was in a private school, where NCLB didn’t apply. This year, for my testing (in a public school), I was asked how many chromosomes a sheep has. If that doesn’t sound weird enough yet, I am in 8th grade. Let’s pause for a second. When, if ever, will I need to know how many chromosomes a SHEEP has?!

    In conclusion, if these are the questions asked of us, teaching to the test entails random deviations into the unnecessary and just plain stupid. And the Special Ed programs will always be grossly overfunded. We should ask “Will another 10 million really make these children learn anything more or better than they do now?” Because as long as everyone is teaching to the test, it won’t.

  3. All Children Helped Ahead

    This is the opposite of the No Child Left Behind language. It is positive, inclusive, and hopefully places focus on a more educable part of the body!

  4. Let’s go with a name that get to the heart of this legislation:
    The “No Parents Held Accountable Act”

  5. As an amendament to the “No Parents Held Accountable Act”, I suggest that a standardized parenting test be administered to would be parents. Like schools, if parents pass the test then fine, they may keep their children. If they fail, they would be labeled “PINI” parents (Parents In Need of Improvement) and would have to demonstrate progress after being tutored, mentored, and retested. If no progress is demonstrated, the children would be taken over and raised by wolves who would at least teach the kids how to provide for themselves.

  6. As a teacher, I’d have to say “No Mandate Left Funded” would be a more appropriate name.

  7. OK, last two, I promise! “Social Studies Left Out” and “No Well-Rounded Students” Act.

  8. “Teachers Pay for Their Own Supplies Act”
    “America Is On the Short List in Education Act”
    “Future Chinese Citizens Act”
    “We Used to Be A World Power Act”…now we are turning out high school drop outs and record numbers of teen parents

    Ok…seriously, “Rebuild Our Youth Act”

  9. How about…

    No more Crap Like Bush’s


    Nattering, Carping, Lowlife Beaureaucrats (remember Agnew?)

    or (seriously)

    SAEC (Success for All America’s Children)

  10. We Are Going To Teach All Children Come Hell or High Water or
    The WA GG TT A CC HH WA Act

  11. How about we figure out the changes Congress and the current administration have in mind, then name it? Seems like common sense…course politicians don’t like to use common sense very much when it comes to education in America.

  12. NO CHILD LEFT WITH A MIND.(more accurate) Bring integrity and love back. Take a shot at healing OUR mess. Who knows? PERHAPS IT WILL BE THE ONE HEARD AROUND THE WORLD!

  13. Delusional Egalitarians Taking Revenge On Intelligent Testees?

    Or perhaps No Behind Left Behind would be a more memorable entry.

  14. Excellent read, I just passed this onto a colleague who was doing a little research on that. And he actually bought me lunch because I found it for him smile So let me rephrase that: Thanks for lunch! 🙂

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  17. Your artical is great! The content is very exciting and I can almost understand. Your report feels like an A. I totally agree with your opinion. I have been to your posts before.

  18. Interesting post, in most countries the education of children in public schools needs to be improved. This law and funding is very important, if there is going to be an improvement and better education I would use the name “The Kids Are All Right”

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