A Contest! Name That Law!

United States Secretary of Education Arne Duncan has not surprisingly said that he’s open to renaming the “No Child Left Behind Act” something else.   Before President Bush, for instance, the Clinton version of the law was called the “Improving America’s Schools Act.”  The underlying law is the Elementary and Secondary Education Act, it’s not going anywhere but a new name is likely in the offing.

Howie Schaffer suggested that the time is now to start naming names.  So let’s have a contest.  The person who offers the best name, decided via a highly arbitrary process involving me and a few friends, wins a signed copy of this picture of DCPS official Justin Cohen in a really tacky frame.  Runners-up get books.

785 Replies to “A Contest! Name That Law!”

  1. IDEA (sorry, pretty retro)

    Take Over and Terminate Special ed students (TOTS)

    Strugglers Ought to Beware (SOB Act)

    Trampling Teacher Aspiration Act (T & A Act)

  2. Second Chances Are Mandatory (SCAM) Act

    If At First You Don’t Succeed Test Again Act

    Cook the Educational Books Act

    No Personal Accountability Allowed Act

  3. Children Rigorously Attaining Priorities Act (aka: The CRAP Act)
    The CRAP Act will ensure that all American children are taught to correctly and meticulously color in little circles.

    TRAP Act:
    Teachers Repeating Administrative Policy Act
    The TRAP Act will ensure that quality teachers, while frustrated and jaded, will be forever ensconced in their classrooms. Although every fiber of their being is screaming at them in agony, these individuals will try to fit in actual teaching into their test fueled curricula. The dream, the hope of one day reclaiming their classrooms will keep them in the schools. . .

  4. Fifty Ways to Leave Your Classroom Act (FWLYC)

    Early in the days of NCLB, many of us understood that we would be forced out of our roles as excellent teachers.

    So, we began preparing to leave the classroom. We found several ways, some through retirement, with others becoming counselors, librarians, principals, central office administrators, test administrators and university instructors. There must be fifty ways to leave your classroom.

  5. How about the Students First Act. Arguably, if we name it students first, we should actually put students first. Not teachers, not principals, no labor unions, or other interests.

  6. How about.. The “In Honor of Our Two Inarticulate Presidents – Past and Present Act”

    George W. Bush and Barack Obama both say “Tuh” when they mean To, Too, or Two


  7. Hi
    My three cents is:

    An addendum to the saying: it takes a village to raise a child and it takes a Nation for his/her Education Act
    A serious entry
    Also we need a zero tolerance for violence in school act
    David J Stein
    Scitech high school springfield ma

  8. The Multiple Choice Act.

    Surely there are bubble letters in the law somewhere. Never again will children be able to answer a question without being given four possible answers.

  9. How about “An Act of God Cannot Be Overturned by An Act of Congress Act” even when you take into account all of special education teachers who are now highly qualified, or more simply put, the Let’s Get Real Again Act.

  10. More applicable to the previous administration (I hope) but..
    No Child Unfit for Cannon Fodder Act

    that was his goal, after all…

  11. How about:

    1. You Can’t Polish a Turd Act

    2. Just Because I Occupy and Office in Washington D.C. I Obviously Know More About Education Than Those Who are Teaching Act

    3. If Education is So Easy Why Don’t You Quit Your Six-Figure Job and Do It Act

  12. 1. Only Dumb Children Left Behind (ODCLB)

    2. Expel Failing Students to Raise the National Average (EFSRNA)

  13. Future Unfunded Curriculum (and) Kids Educational Directive (need I type the acronym?)

  14. No child moves ahead.

    How many kids are going over the same material they already know over and over in the hopes that the last kid in the class will finally understand?

  15. Here’s two suggestions:

    Overhauling Bush’s Appalling Mandates for Accountability (OBAMA)

    Optimal Better Accountability Measures for All (OBAMA)

  16. Future Academic Improvement Law.

    Kids And Teachers Rebuilding Infrastructure Nationally Act.

    The George W. Bush Law For Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too.

  17. MuTTEM: Multiple-choice Testing to Ensure Mediocrity Act.

    TP Act: Test and Test-prep Publishers’ Full Employment Act

    The “How to Destroy the Nation’s Ability to Commit Democracy in One Generation” Act

  18. It doesn’t need to be renamed, it needs to go away! Education should be at the local and state level for a reason – accountability. Federal programs are so far removed from their stakeholders that accountability goes out the window. We’ve seen ample proof of that.

  19. Please

  20. How about “Get Behind Every Child Left”

    Or, better yet, why not scrap NCLB as it stands and focus on teaching and learning instead?

  21. I love the idea of ‘Multiple Choice Act’ idea! But then there is the ‘Test Without Rest’ Act, possibility. Maybe ‘4 Bubbles’ Act… or the ‘PAT-PAT-PAT’ Act (Pass A Test, Pass A Test, Pass A Test) cuz that is the essence of the Law, right? gh

  22. I suggest No White, Wealthy Child Left Behind, since our government has decided accountability can fix all our problems while ignoring the bigger problems: racial segregation, student poverty, and inadequte funding.

  23. Since I like the principle of the law, but not the application:

    Lost In Translation Act (LITA)

    Since I teach Special Ed:

    Isolate Students Who Struggle in School Act (ISWSISA)

    And since I think Multiple Intelligence Theory is not practiced enough:

    No One Break The Mold Act (NOBTHMA)

  24. Leaving Children Behind Because Vocational Careers Are No Longer Worthy Act

    People who aren’t in education need to understand that in most countries all children aren’t even guaranteed a high school education. With No Child Left Behind, educators are supposed to prepare ALL students regardless of special needs or career interests for a four year college. We need to realize that vocational careers are valuable, and start allowing those students to have an alternative way of graduating high school. I am tired of seeing my perfectly trained students through our career center (in fields like cosmetology, building trades, welding, etc) not receiving high school diplomas because they couldn’t pass a college prep geared test.

    I don’t have a funny acronym, but I do have the memories of seeing these children’s faces after learning twelve years of schooling won’t get them a high school diploma because of ONE TEST.

  25. Everyone Up-to-Speed Act


    Children reach their potential through the support of knowledgeable, effective teachers and parents. Non-parents and non-teachers can help, too.

    All children should be expected to learn and progress.

    The achievement gap begins before children attend their first day of school. Education excellence will be a reality only when our children enter school “ready-to-learn”.

    Effective teachers and schools empower each child to learn at his/her optimum speed.

    The goal of the U.S. education system should be for each individual student to develop a love of learning and the tools to achieve up to his/her potential (speed).

  26. A few suggestions:

    Learn to the Test, Forget the Rest Act

    No Test Left Behind Act [that one was just too easy]

    All Rational Thinking Left Behind Act

    Magic Bullet Education Act

  27. The I-just-want-to-get-high-Go-shopping-to-buy-plastic-junk-Watch-hours-of-dumb-TV-Have-as-much-sex-as-I-can-Who-cares-about-learning-a-thing Act.

    Screwed up American cultural and sub-cultural values account for 99% of the dismal test scores. Schools aren’t powerful enough to “fix” that.

    So maybe it should just be the Rots O’ Ruck Act.

  28. The HOPE act (doesn’t stand for anything, just hope 😉 which is what every student wants us to have for them.)

    “No more cute but propagandistic names” Act?

  29. Fine. Rename it.

    But while we spin our wheels on this topic, how about the Homeland Security thing?

    Am I the only person in America who hears in the word “Homeland” echoes of Hitler and Nazi Germany?

    Whenever I hear the word, I cringe. I cannot seem to laugh at the historical nudnicks who didn’t make the connection when they applied it to a department of my government.

    Yet we spend time on what this is named??

  30. How about “12 years of learning ‘how to stay gainfully employeed until you can’t work physically or mentally work anymore’ act”
    coupled with a “If you don’t think it’s your responsibility to be involved in your child’s education, you should not be a parent act.”

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