A Contest! Name That Law!

United States Secretary of Education Arne Duncan has not surprisingly said that he’s open to renaming the “No Child Left Behind Act” something else.   Before President Bush, for instance, the Clinton version of the law was called the “Improving America’s Schools Act.”  The underlying law is the Elementary and Secondary Education Act, it’s not going anywhere but a new name is likely in the offing.

Howie Schaffer suggested that the time is now to start naming names.  So let’s have a contest.  The person who offers the best name, decided via a highly arbitrary process involving me and a few friends, wins a signed copy of this picture of DCPS official Justin Cohen in a really tacky frame.  Runners-up get books.

785 Replies to “A Contest! Name That Law!”

  1. Don’t Utilize My Brain (D.U.M.B.) ACT

    Never Educate All (NEA ACT)

    Disabled And Minorities Never Intellectualize Things (DAMN IT) Act

  2. Since this law was created to beat up on education let’s just call it the “No Stone Left Un-Thrown Act”. Oh and by the way, duck.

  3. Reminiscent of “A rose by any other name…” I believe the new name should be:
    Putting Lipstick on the Pig Act

  4. I like what John says: John Roehmer Says:

    How about “Knowledge for Life” as the new name? The basics in education are certainly critical, but the education system needs to deliver young adults ready to confront the realities of building a successful life with the tools and understanding necessary for making moral choices and contributing to our nation.

  5. By way of aspiration, and as an antithesis to what NCLB encouraged, I propose: Advancing Thinking in School Act


    or for short ‘TSAADATSA’ (pronounced saadatsa-the T is silent)

  7. I am 50 and attending community college and after three years of seeing the aftermath of NCLB act, here is my proposal

    The dude next to me just graduated high school and can’t spell or read, but at least he gets financial aid act

  8. How about the I don’t know anything about it but it sure makes me look smart to put it down and blame Bush even though it had strong bi-partisan support act?

  9. How about the DHKA (Don’t Hold Kids Accountable) Act? In many eduaction systems overseas, the students are held accountable for their learning (not the teachers or the parents or whoever). No wonder our teens are out of control.

  10. I would like to see it named “Repealed.”

    Let’s see if Arne Duncan and Congress do what truly needs to be done regarding this legislation. We survived the Bush Administration. Now let us teach America’s children what they really need to learn.

  11. Well, many years back, I remember looking up the elusive “Nickleby” act that everyone was talking about and finding nothing … until I realized that was the pronunciation of NCLB. And so, in the spirit of reincarnation, I vote for “Dicken’s Revenge.”

  12. No Child Excels So No Child Fails Act

    We have got to stop teaching and tailoring to the bottom rung students and diversify the offerings and opportunities. Education is not one size fits all.

  13. I’m in favor of education that takes individual differences (strengths and challenges) into account, so how about this:
    T’EACH — TO EACH according to his/her needs.

    Or: FR’EACH and T’EACH (kinda like Cheech and Chong) — FROM EACH according to his/her abilities, TO EACH according to his/her needs.

    I know the second suggestion is a lemon, it’ll probably bother some people with the allusion, so here’s another possible name: MARK’S LEMON BILL. (Just don’t ask who Bill is.)

  14. If that act is left intact we could call it one of several names:

    Teaching to the Test at the Expense of Self Expression and Creativity Act

    The Let’s Pretend that All the Children Are Potential College Material and Crush the Self-Esteem of Those Who Don’t Live Up to that Image Act

    The Forcing Teachers to Rethink Their Choice of Occupation Act

  15. Several suggestions,

    AQFA (Abjure Quick Fixes Act)

    NTLU (No Turn Left Unstoned)

    YSNOT (Yes, So No Opportunity, Try! )

    NGDLU (No Good Deed Left Unpunished)

    INNW — (If Not Now When)

  16. how about calling it Every special education student left behind. As the law stands now there is no time to teach what these kids really need which is life skills. so the lowest of the low, are being left behind trying to do academics that they will never be able to master because their cognitive abilities are so low.

  17. I haven’t yet read through the thousand or so entries to see if this has been suggested yet (my eyes always tear up after three or four!) but I think that we need new names both for the administering agency and for their pedagogical activities. I suggest:

    Disempowering Underachievement Multiple-choice-testing Board


    Disempowering Underachievement Multiple-choice-testing Board Educational Reforms

  18. Any education act in America should at least be subtitle The No Hope of Actually Working Act

  19. Liberalism is Ruining our Kids Act

    Bitter Liberal Whiny Teachers Stoop to Name-Calling Because They Don’t Know How to Debate Actual Ideas Act

  20. NCLB version 2.0

    I am a liberal teacher, but not whiny or bitter.

    George W. was well-intentioned when passing this legislation, but like everything it needs to be tweaked. One example, would be the simple fact that some special education students will NOT score at the 100th percentile (as the bill suggests all children can). At the same time that does not mean they cannot learn, and the money from NCLB defintely helps.

    As far as the bitter whiney teachers complaining about teaching to the test. Get over it. Standardized tests are a reality. I believe if you teach your curriculum effectively, believe in your teaching methods, and are passionate about your subject matter, that all your students will score well on the standardized tests regardless of the format, politics, or legislation related to it.

  21. Yes We Can Act…

    Yes We Can rename NCLB…
    Yes We Can input changes…
    Yes We Can keep parts the same…
    Yes We Can hold states accountable…
    Yes We Can hold schools accountable…
    Yes We Can hold teachers accountable…
    Yes We Can enforce new laws…
    Yes We Can enforce new methods…
    Yes We Can take away monies…
    Yes We Can give you some money…
    Yes We Can screw you…
    Yes We Can …
    Yes We Can …
    Oh, Yes We Can!

  22. Oh Say Can You Read? (After the years long music educators program
    Oh Say Can You Sing? the National Anthem)

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