"Least influential of education's most influential information sources."
-- Education Week Research Center
"full of very lively short items and is always on top of the news...He gets extra points for skewering my high school rating system"
-- Jay Mathews, The Washington Post
"a daily dose of information from the education policy world, blended with a shot of attitude and a dash of humor"
-- Education Week
"unexpectedly entertaining"..."tackle[s] a potentially mindfogging subject with cutting clarity... they're reading those mushy, brain-numbing education stories so you don't have to!"
-- Mickey Kaus
"a very smart blog... this is the site to read"
-- Ryan Lizza
"everyone who's anyone reads Eduwonk"
-- Richard Colvin
"designed to cut through the fog and direct specialists and non-specialists alike to the center of the liveliest and most politically relevant debates on the future of our schools"
-- The New Dem Daily
"peppered with smart and witty comments on the education news of the day"
-- Education Gadfly
"don't hate Eduwonk cuz it's so good"
-- Alexander Russo, This Week In Education
"the morning's first stop for education bomb-throwers everywhere"
-- Mike Antonucci, Intercepts
"…the big dog on the ed policy blog-ck…"
-- Michele McLaughlin
"I check Eduwonk several times a day, especially since I cut back on caffeine"
-- Joe Williams
"...one of the few bloggers who isn't completely nuts"
-- Mike Petrilli, Thomas B. Fordham Foundation
"I have just three 'go to' websites: The Texas Legislature, Texas Longhorn sports, and Eduwonk"
-- Sandy Kress
"penetrating analysis in a lively style on a wide range of issues"
-- Walt Gardner
-- Education Week's Alyson Klein
-- Susan Ohanian
Smart List: 60 People Shaping the Future of K-12 Education
785 Replies to “A Contest! Name That Law!”
The One Size Fits Every Behind Act
What it should be:
Opportunities for Academic Excellence Act
What best describes it now, and likely in the near future, given the pervasive ideology of the educationists in charge:
Intellectual Homogenization Act
Mandatory Mediocrity Act
In January 2008, PURE proposed “Equally Excellent Schools for Every Child” (we could call it E3).
Now, for the law’s philosophy. I think we can do better than Bush’s “getting the biggest bang for the buck,” especially since many of the programs NCLB pushed under that philosophy didn’t work anyway. So, how about “The purpose of E3 is to assure that every child in the United States has access to a free, high-quality, effective education in their own neighborhood.”
Why can’t we just scrap it and turn it into the Leave Stupid Children Behind Act?
It seems unlikely to me that any of the more creative entries will be adopted, so I opt for “The American Children’s Educational Act of 2009.” ACE Only if we’re really fortunate will it be instituted in 2009. It’s probably several years down the road.
The Punish the Schools that Need the Help Act
The No Child Helped Ahead Act
The No Child is Behind When All Are Doing Poorly Act
We just started testing in my school today so I was inspired.
Since we have adopted the notion that learning should require absolutely no effort at all from the student , lets call it SWEL (Students, Without Effort, Learn).
But, if we come to our senses and remember that learning anything useful requires work from the student, we could call it LOYO (Learn Or You’re Out of here).
My last try: LUMP (Lazy and Undisciplined Money Pit)
Oops – one more
HMA (Hire More school Administrators)
Let’s call it what it really is: The Underfunded Unrealistic Educational Expectations Permitting Wealthy White Parents to Move Children As If Congress Approved a Voucher System and Leaving Poor Minority Children Behind in Substandard Schools Act.
No child ahead, no child behind. Punish all children equally.
The Let’s Stop Pretending We Know What We’re Doing act…Though it’s true, it falls so short of other great ideas above.
The “Is Our Children Learning?” Act
The So Many Tests There’s No Time Left to Teach Act
Standardization Undermines Creativity and Kills Education Reform (SUCKER) ACT.
The “Hey, Maybe We Can Shine S**t!” Act
The My Friends in the Standardized Testing Industry Really Appreciate our Patronage Act.
The Laughing All Way to the Bank Act
Teach to the Test or Else Act
The Real Solutions Were Going to Cost Too Much Money Act
The No Matter What We Call it, it Still Doesn’t Work Act
Because the reality is we can re-name it all we want but what we are focusing on right now is a name and not the problem. We should be writing this to our Congress members not to a blog contest.
Never Let a Child Achieve Act
All Children Are Equally Important Act (ACAEIA)
First off, disadvantaged students across America are an important aspect of this law. Keeping decent teachers to educate them is equally important. Making sure all students are held to equal standards is important to reassure a student he/she is not receiving a handout. As a parent it would be devastating to find out your child graduated because the school lowered standards to accommodate him/her. I am 24 and believe the education system is the most important aspect of a functioning economy. I believe colleges should be looking at socio-economic factors when giving privilege to students getting in (instead of based on race) and should be looking to better educate the underprivileged in elementary and secondary educations systems around the U.S. in order to allow them to perform at a level equal to their piers. I believe everyone should look into “The Accountability Illusion” as it pertains to the current arguments about what to do at this current moment. I think we should all get over personal politic crap and come together on education because we are not talking about ourselves for the most part here, but instead are addressing a future generations of creative minds who do not have the choices of creating policy for themselves. Their interest should be number one and not our own agendas. As we move forward on this topic I hope we keep this in mind. All children equally deserve the right to be educated and learn to their fullest potential from a great group of teachers along the way.
How about The Homogenize Our Children Act? Since the current act doesn’t let the cream of the class rise, we might as well name it honestly.
‘That Was A Really Stupid Idea But We’ve Learned From Our Mistakes And Will Not Continue To Dumb Down Education For A Nation Of Burger Flippers And Trigger Pullers’
Testing Won’t Erase Real Problems or TWERP.
No Child Left Behind No Child Gets Ahead
Learning Hard Not Hardly Learning Act
Opportunities Not Obstacles Education Act
Succession of Future Leadership Act
Come On Guys, Kids Can Barely Read Act
Don’t Just Stand There, Do Something Act
Isn’t it time to channel all that cynicism into something productive for kids? “Every child’s potential unleashed” inspires me to let go of the resentments for all the damage the NCLB Act has done to children and schools and focus on what’s best for our children again.
How about FEBGA
Federal Education Bureaucracy Growth Act
Rebuilding Education After Bush (REAB) Pronounced: “rehab”
However, eight years may not be enough time.
Moms and Dads Get A Pass act
Helloooo?? Parents??? are you out there anymore????
How about – We Just Need One More Assessment Act- or
“More tests and less exercise creates unhealthy robots”
Funny story: Texas has a law that a student has to attend at least 90% of the time to be promoted to the next grade. Of course, it’s ignored all the time. Several years ago, we decided to retain a young woman in 8th grade because she had been absent for 69 of 180 days. Her mom came up to the school and informed us that we couldn’t do that because Congress had passed a law called “No Child Left Behind”. So we couldn’t leave her child behind in 8th grade!
Real: ECO Every Child an Opportunity
Questionable: BLTN Better Late Than Never
Accurate: HAAP Hope and a Prayer
Realistic: KTIP Keep Them in Poverty
ROTT N HELL Act
“Race Or Trot to Top, New Hope for Education for Laggard Losers Act”
…Just kidding around!
Seriously, I like this one:
Children Learning at Successful Schools Act
Give Special Education Students The Exact Same Test, Then When They Can’t Pass It, Call The School Failing Act.
the “No Flexibly Left Remaining Act”, featuring the “One Size Fits All Or You Get Fined” mandate.
Do Over! Do Over!….Dodo (Hopefully soon as extinct!)
No Childhood Left Because…pols screwed it up.
deep-six that stupid red schoolhouse act
Blanked up beyond all recognition Act
From Urban dictionary.com
The “off the box” act
the state of being removed from a position of prominence/importance due to a foolish mistake. Related to Michael Phelps being dropped by Kellogg after a picture of him with a bong was released
Dude, after that bonehead move you are so off the box.
In tribute to LOL cats:
I Can Has Education Act
It should be named “There is no “U” in Children Act”
Not that I could possibly top Karen’s LOL cats-inspired submission, but…
One line of thought:
Let’s Keep Ignoring Poverty Act
Burying Our Heads in the Sand Act
Comprehensive Reform for Achievement and Performance Act
Testing to Unify for Revitalization and Development Act
I’m not leaving my child behind anymore, so we’re heading to parochial school where they still teach reading, writing and arithmetic Act.
How about the “American Privatization of Public Education” Act?
Equity in Education Act (EEA)
My Cash Cow As a Freelance Science Writer Act
A doctor on the radio was lamenting that kids are getting fatter because NCLB has indirectly resulted in shorter and fewer periods of physical activity. He proposes a new law, titled
No Child Left On Their Behind
How ’bout the Widen the Gap Between Rich/White and Poor/or Minority Students Even More Act?
Or the Mandated Terrorism Against Title I Schools Act?
I liked Caroline’s suggestion that we reteach measures of central tendency, especially to our politicians and policy makers. When Pete Wilson was governor of California he said that the goal of our schools was to have every child scoring above the 50th percentile. Therefore, I propose the new law be called the Lake Wobegon Act – All of our children are above average (and good looking).
NPLE – No Principal Left Employed act
ASSES Act: Arbitrary State Standards Equal Success
UPHILLS Act: Universal Proficiency Hiding Inadequate Learning through Lowered Standards
STONED Act: State Takeover Or Nationalization of EDucation
PISSEDOFF Act: Prepare for Imminent State-Supported EDucation Operating Failures Forever
Okay, that last one was a stretch.
100% is true as often as “never” and “always” are true. (Even if I said 100% of men are male, some people would argue the point.)
On the other hand,
If we set our sights low enough, anything becomes possible.