A Contest! Name That Law!

United States Secretary of Education Arne Duncan has not surprisingly said that he’s open to renaming the “No Child Left Behind Act” something else.   Before President Bush, for instance, the Clinton version of the law was called the “Improving America’s Schools Act.”  The underlying law is the Elementary and Secondary Education Act, it’s not going anywhere but a new name is likely in the offing.

Howie Schaffer suggested that the time is now to start naming names.  So let’s have a contest.  The person who offers the best name, decided via a highly arbitrary process involving me and a few friends, wins a signed copy of this picture of DCPS official Justin Cohen in a really tacky frame.  Runners-up get books.

785 Replies to “A Contest! Name That Law!”

  1. What it should be:

    Opportunities for Academic Excellence Act

    What best describes it now, and likely in the near future, given the pervasive ideology of the educationists in charge:

    Intellectual Homogenization Act
    Mandatory Mediocrity Act

  2. In January 2008, PURE proposed “Equally Excellent Schools for Every Child” (we could call it E3).


    Now, for the law’s philosophy. I think we can do better than Bush’s “getting the biggest bang for the buck,” especially since many of the programs NCLB pushed under that philosophy didn’t work anyway. So, how about “The purpose of E3 is to assure that every child in the United States has access to a free, high-quality, effective education in their own neighborhood.”

  3. It seems unlikely to me that any of the more creative entries will be adopted, so I opt for “The American Children’s Educational Act of 2009.” ACE Only if we’re really fortunate will it be instituted in 2009. It’s probably several years down the road.

  4. The Punish the Schools that Need the Help Act
    The No Child Helped Ahead Act
    The No Child is Behind When All Are Doing Poorly Act

  5. We just started testing in my school today so I was inspired.

    DANG IT!

  6. Since we have adopted the notion that learning should require absolutely no effort at all from the student , lets call it SWEL (Students, Without Effort, Learn).

    But, if we come to our senses and remember that learning anything useful requires work from the student, we could call it LOYO (Learn Or You’re Out of here).

    My last try: LUMP (Lazy and Undisciplined Money Pit)

  7. Let’s call it what it really is: The Underfunded Unrealistic Educational Expectations Permitting Wealthy White Parents to Move Children As If Congress Approved a Voucher System and Leaving Poor Minority Children Behind in Substandard Schools Act.

  8. The Let’s Stop Pretending We Know What We’re Doing act…Though it’s true, it falls so short of other great ideas above.

  9. The “Is Our Children Learning?” Act

    The So Many Tests There’s No Time Left to Teach Act

    Standardization Undermines Creativity and Kills Education Reform (SUCKER) ACT.

    The “Hey, Maybe We Can Shine S**t!” Act

    The My Friends in the Standardized Testing Industry Really Appreciate our Patronage Act.

    The Laughing All Way to the Bank Act

  10. How about
    The No Matter What We Call it, it Still Doesn’t Work Act

    Because the reality is we can re-name it all we want but what we are focusing on right now is a name and not the problem. We should be writing this to our Congress members not to a blog contest.

    Or the

    Never Let a Child Achieve Act

  11. All Children Are Equally Important Act (ACAEIA)
    First off, disadvantaged students across America are an important aspect of this law. Keeping decent teachers to educate them is equally important. Making sure all students are held to equal standards is important to reassure a student he/she is not receiving a handout. As a parent it would be devastating to find out your child graduated because the school lowered standards to accommodate him/her. I am 24 and believe the education system is the most important aspect of a functioning economy. I believe colleges should be looking at socio-economic factors when giving privilege to students getting in (instead of based on race) and should be looking to better educate the underprivileged in elementary and secondary educations systems around the U.S. in order to allow them to perform at a level equal to their piers. I believe everyone should look into “The Accountability Illusion” as it pertains to the current arguments about what to do at this current moment. I think we should all get over personal politic crap and come together on education because we are not talking about ourselves for the most part here, but instead are addressing a future generations of creative minds who do not have the choices of creating policy for themselves. Their interest should be number one and not our own agendas. As we move forward on this topic I hope we keep this in mind. All children equally deserve the right to be educated and learn to their fullest potential from a great group of teachers along the way.

  12. How about The Homogenize Our Children Act? Since the current act doesn’t let the cream of the class rise, we might as well name it honestly.

  13. ‘That Was A Really Stupid Idea But We’ve Learned From Our Mistakes And Will Not Continue To Dumb Down Education For A Nation Of Burger Flippers And Trigger Pullers’

  14. Learning Hard Not Hardly Learning Act
    Opportunities Not Obstacles Education Act
    Succession of Future Leadership Act
    Come On Guys, Kids Can Barely Read Act
    Don’t Just Stand There, Do Something Act

  15. Isn’t it time to channel all that cynicism into something productive for kids? “Every child’s potential unleashed” inspires me to let go of the resentments for all the damage the NCLB Act has done to children and schools and focus on what’s best for our children again.

  16. Rebuilding Education After Bush (REAB) Pronounced: “rehab”

    However, eight years may not be enough time.

  17. Funny story: Texas has a law that a student has to attend at least 90% of the time to be promoted to the next grade. Of course, it’s ignored all the time. Several years ago, we decided to retain a young woman in 8th grade because she had been absent for 69 of 180 days. Her mom came up to the school and informed us that we couldn’t do that because Congress had passed a law called “No Child Left Behind”. So we couldn’t leave her child behind in 8th grade!

  18. Real: ECO Every Child an Opportunity
    Questionable: BLTN Better Late Than Never
    Accurate: HAAP Hope and a Prayer
    Realistic: KTIP Keep Them in Poverty

  19. ROTT N HELL Act

    “Race Or Trot to Top, New Hope for Education for Laggard Losers Act”

    …Just kidding around!

  20. Give Special Education Students The Exact Same Test, Then When They Can’t Pass It, Call The School Failing Act.

  21. Do Over! Do Over!….Dodo (Hopefully soon as extinct!)

    No Childhood Left Because…pols screwed it up.

  22. From Urban dictionary.com

    The “off the box” act

    the state of being removed from a position of prominence/importance due to a foolish mistake. Related to Michael Phelps being dropped by Kellogg after a picture of him with a bong was released

    Dude, after that bonehead move you are so off the box.

  23. Not that I could possibly top Karen’s LOL cats-inspired submission, but…

    One line of thought:
    Let’s Keep Ignoring Poverty Act
    Burying Our Heads in the Sand Act

    Another line:
    Comprehensive Reform for Achievement and Performance Act
    Testing to Unify for Revitalization and Development Act

  24. I’m not leaving my child behind anymore, so we’re heading to parochial school where they still teach reading, writing and arithmetic Act.

  25. A doctor on the radio was lamenting that kids are getting fatter because NCLB has indirectly resulted in shorter and fewer periods of physical activity. He proposes a new law, titled

    No Child Left On Their Behind

  26. How ’bout the Widen the Gap Between Rich/White and Poor/or Minority Students Even More Act?

    Or the Mandated Terrorism Against Title I Schools Act?

  27. I liked Caroline’s suggestion that we reteach measures of central tendency, especially to our politicians and policy makers. When Pete Wilson was governor of California he said that the goal of our schools was to have every child scoring above the 50th percentile. Therefore, I propose the new law be called the Lake Wobegon Act – All of our children are above average (and good looking).

  28. ASSES Act: Arbitrary State Standards Equal Success

    UPHILLS Act: Universal Proficiency Hiding Inadequate Learning through Lowered Standards

    STONED Act: State Takeover Or Nationalization of EDucation

    PISSEDOFF Act: Prepare for Imminent State-Supported EDucation Operating Failures Forever

    Okay, that last one was a stretch.

    100% is true as often as “never” and “always” are true. (Even if I said 100% of men are male, some people would argue the point.)

    On the other hand,
    If we set our sights low enough, anything becomes possible.

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