Posted on by arotherham

A Contest! Name That Law!

United States Secretary of Education Arne Duncan has not surprisingly said that he’s open to renaming the “No Child Left Behind Act” something else.   Before President Bush, for instance, the Clinton version of the law was called the “Improving America’s Schools Act.”  The underlying law is the Elementary and Secondary Education Act, it’s not going anywhere but a new name is likely in the offing.

Howie Schaffer suggested that the time is now to start naming names.  So let’s have a contest.  The person who offers the best name, decided via a highly arbitrary process involving me and a few friends, wins a signed copy of this picture of DCPS official Justin Cohen in a really tacky frame.  Runners-up get books.

785 Replies to “A Contest! Name That Law!”

  1. How about keeping politics out of education? Give educators the power keep the hell out of our classrooms Washington. Giving a new name to something without changing anything is pathetic.

  3. LUMPIA: Large Unfunded Mandates to Produce the Illusion of Accountability.

    Remedial English Testing And Reading Development System

  5. Just love these responses!

    how about;
    Testing Every Month, Learning Absolutely Nothing Act

    or
    Eventually No Child Wins Act

    ???

    With the current NCLB, it’s said after so many years of no AYP, restructuring, etc, the school will remove it’s current staff – but hey, what if half of the Teachers/Admin/Resource staff have only been there half/quarter of that time?
    And suppose the demographic changes quarterly due to new, transitory, ELL students – the ones with the ‘parents’ who not only don’t speak a word of, but can’t understand, English unless to get on the dole. And in their native country, kids haven’t been to school for the past year cause it wasn’t important there?
    So the result is ‘toss out the baby with the bath water’???

    Wow, and anyone wonders why the country is in ruins??

  6. The No White, Middle-Class Suburban Kid Left Behind But We Are Going To Make Districts Spend Millions of Dollars on Glossy Research-Based Programs That Don’t Really Work To Make It Look Like We’re Not Leaving Inner-City and Rez’ Kids Behind Act

    or

    The We Don’t Respect Teachers Act

    (Did you guess that I am a teacher?)

  7. If we actually want Republicans to vote for it, we’ll have to appeal to their favorite subjects:

    The FLAG PIN Act: “The Federal Learning Among (our) Global Peers INvestment Act”

    The MORE GUNS Act: The “Making Obtainable Real Educational Goals Under National Standardization” Act

    The School PRAYER Act: The “School Provides Real Americans Yearly Educational Rewards” Act

  11. You Put Your Right Child In, You Put Your Wrong Prez Out, You Put Your Left Child In, And You Shake It All About Act

  12. The I Graduated From College With A Houseworth Of Debt And All I Got Was This Crappy Braindead Service Job Thats Why I Vote For Demagogues Act

  15. Leave No Hot Teachers’ Behind Act

    Why Can’t They Just Get A Long Division Act? (Rodney, where are ya when we need ya?)

    A Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Waste, But Billions Is A Hecka Lot Worse To Waste Act

    This Is Your Brain On Standardized Tests, Any Questions? Act

    Teachers Are People, Too! Act

    Creation of Prison-Based Education For Those Left Behind Act

    See Spot Run, See Budget Run Away Act

    Twelve-Step Education Reform Act (because fixing a problem first requires that you admit there’s a problem)

    Bush Was Left Behind, You Can Be, Too! Act

    Act Now Or Your Kids Be Stoopid Act

    Potatos or Potatoes, Does It Really Matter Act?

  16. Keep the acronym, yet change the wording:

    NCLB: No Corporation Left Behind

    After all, when all is said and done, that’s what it’s really about-more corporate involvement in schools.

    Thank you Milton Friedman!

  19. Derek Zoolander Act For Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Things Good Too Act

  21. The “cut all gifted programs and teach to the lowest common denominator” act.

    or

    The “continued dumbing down of our schools” act.

    or

    The “educating is hard, let’s just teach them how to take a multiple choice test” act.

  22. I like “Our Childrens Do Learn but lets Learn Them Even Better Act”…Inspired by our very quotable 42nd president.

  23. Children
    Regaining
    Academic
    Promise

    or
    The Little Obama Academic Achievers (LOAA) We’ll be able to fund it entirely through t-shit sales.

  28. Expectation that we all learn the same which is ridiculous Act or

    Trying to make our education-for-all system meet the standards of countries who don’t educate all act

  32. Maybe what our parents and grandparents had when they were in school?

    STOP complaining, Quit looking for a HANDOUT, and get to WORK. Works for all ages k-adult.

  33. Standardized Test Compensation Quotient (STATIC QUO)

    No Test Left Unpurchased Act

    Getting Close Enough to Breathe the Fumes of European Education Act

    In the Wake of European Active Knowledge (WEAK)

    Every American Moving Forward (This involves expanding NCLB to include general knowledge questions that MUST be answered before ANYONE can access Grand Theft Auto, Jerry Springer, internet porn, Kansas School Boards, or anything else that keeps us in the intellectual toilet. If you think the dates of the Revolutionary War are 1883-1892 or that Shakespeare was the king of England or that Rosa Parks was Martin Luther King’s grandmother, you haven’t earned game access, Swedish threesomes, or toothless love triangles.)

    Speeding the Normalization of American Instruction and Learning while Mandating American Ignorance Lasts (SNAILMAIL)

  35. It’s never been about the children per se, it’s always been about holding school districts accountable for establishing a curriculum that covers the necessary topics and making certain the students get through that curriculum. As everyone is well aware, that focus runs straight into other factors that impact the classroom environment.

    so, it’s really the School District Accountability Act or the Curriculum Competion Act

  38. Fixing Up Crappy Kids’ Schools

    (FUCKS)

    Or, maybe something like “Amy’s Law” since those always sound so nice.

  39. The Catch-22 Act. Everyone must achieve the same standards but with vastly inequitable resources.
    How about the Educational Apartheid Reinforcement Act.

  41. The “No Child Left Behind Because One May Someday Get Elected President Train-wrecking The World Economy Destabilizing The Security Of The Entire Globe And For Good Measure Suck The Life And Joy Of Learning Out Of Every Classroom In The United States” Act.

  42. “Rebranding” is used to sell the same thing under a different name. I found it funny that the Democrats blasted this program, especially since it was co-authored by Ted Kennedy and George Miller. If people look at education funding during the last Administration, they will be shocked to find out that it increased over 20%. Did this achieve anything?

    With EFCA looming in the horizon, the unions will be targeting two employers off the bat – McDonalds and Wal-Mart. If this passes, these jobs will provide living wages, full insurance and a pension. Students will then make the following career decisions – go to college or work at McDonalds/Wal-Mart. For the people who choose the latter, school will be optional. Students will wait until they turn 18 and then have a guaranteed job.

    So in light of this, we should call the new program Day Care for Teenagers. If these students that choose to do poor in school actually attend, they will create havoc on other students who seek to go to college. The schools will be forced to segregate the good students from the bad. The bad students will basically sit around and do nothing (sounds like the job bank at the Big Three).

  44. In my view, “Doing The Right Thing”s following entry with the time stamp “February 23rd, 2009 at 4:14 pm” is the cleverest among all entries thus far:

    “Every Left-Behind Child’s Left Behind Righted” Act

  47. “Every Child Must Run a 9.9 100 Meters Act”
    or “Every Child Must be in the Top 10% Act”
    or the “Make Most Children Feel Like they are looking for Change for a Penny Act” or
    The “Show No MERCY to Childrens ACT” Better known as the “Shame Most Children Act”
    I really like the “Shame on Congress Act (SCA)”

    “Sock It To All Children Act”

    The “CPA” (Child Persecution Act)

  49. The “My County Spent Obscene Amounts of Money so Every Child Could Have a Laptop and Yet the Students Continue to Refuse to do Any Work at Home, so No Matter How Many Different Ways I Review Content and Try to Develop Interest in School, Until the Parents Help Change the Atmosphere at Home the County Bought Really Nice Paper Weights That Double as an iTunes Machine” Act

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