Posted on by arotherham

A Contest! Name That Law!

United States Secretary of Education Arne Duncan has not surprisingly said that he’s open to renaming the “No Child Left Behind Act” something else.   Before President Bush, for instance, the Clinton version of the law was called the “Improving America’s Schools Act.”  The underlying law is the Elementary and Secondary Education Act, it’s not going anywhere but a new name is likely in the offing.

Howie Schaffer suggested that the time is now to start naming names.  So let’s have a contest.  The person who offers the best name, decided via a highly arbitrary process involving me and a few friends, wins a signed copy of this picture of DCPS official Justin Cohen in a really tacky frame.  Runners-up get books.

785 Replies to “A Contest! Name That Law!”

  3. How about the “No Child Gets A Chance” act?

    The impact of this law has always been to drag the classroom down to the lowest common denominator. Classroom teachers, who generally have the best of intentions, end up teaching to the lowest segment the population’s capability. Students of average or above average ability are penalized instead of rewarded, and then we wonder why our graduates can’t compete on the global market.

  4. The It-Won’t Matter-Anyway-If-The-Parents-Don’t-Take-A-Seriously-Participatory-Role-And-Stop-Chucking-Their-At-Home-Responsibility Act

  6. Another couple:

    “Sorry We Screwed Up The Planet, Good Luck With All That” Act

    “Wait A Minute, You’re Going To Take Care Of Us In Our Old Age, OMG What Have We Done!” Act

  7. The Next Educational Solution That Won’t Work Either Act. NESTWWE, since we always seem to wee in our nest in education.

    After 40 years in education I just groan at the top down solutions that are developed by people many of whom have spent little or no time in classrooms, working with students, parents, and a rigid system. Every new administration that I worked under had a whole new way to administer education that usually interferred with learning.

  8. I suggest the Act for Kids Who Can’t Read Good and Want to do Other Things Good Too Act

    (or, for those of you who like something simpler: AKWCRGWOTGTA)

  9. How about:

    Mind Bender education act

    Society re-education act

    room 101 is just around the corner in you don’t study act

    George Carlin act

    Give a child a chance and maybe they will do it better then we did act

  12. But seriously, the object ought to be to teach our kids all the things that they’ll need during their next 70 or 80 years of life. Mostly, they need to know how to think critically. But they also need to know how to write and read and how to do arithmetic. Critical thinking is a long-term learning process. The other stuff just requires lots and lots and lots of practice.

    So let’s call it the No Child Left Uneducated Act and then let’s make sure that we leave no child uneducated.

  14. I want someone to say something nice about one of my entries because if I don’t get constant praise and approval and high grades regardless of the crap I (re)produce, how am I supposed to excel and feel good about myself?

  16. Over the past two years, I have come to refer to the NCLB act as the
    NO TEST LEFT BEHIND – because its just about test after test without any consideration for strengthening the weaknesses assessed in any one test, before the next test is given.

  19. This is just getting damn tiresome. Let’s try this:

    THE EDUCATION DIRTT (DO IT RIGHT THIS TIME) ACT

    Perhaps this act could be cleaner than the ones that preceded it.

  20. Several come to mind:

    The College Dean of Admissions Suicide Contemplation Act

    The Remedial Education Departmental Full Employment Act of 2009

    The Standardized Choose One 25% Solution Act

    The Vincent “Vinnie” Barbarino Mental Dexterity & Social Promotion Act
    (The ” ‘What? Where?’ Act” for short)

  21. If the substance of the law stays the same, the name should become

    No BS Left Behind.

    If I understand correctly, a part of the law requires schools to have a percentage of “highly qualified” teachers. This sounds sensible but that the definitions of HQ varies from “been there forever” to “forced to jump through a never-ending series of hoops.” I would think that a lot of people who are truly highly qualified wouldn’t go near a K-12 school system.

  31. The You Are Going To Live To Be 100 And You’re “Friends” Won’t Even Know You In Three Years Act

  33. No Child’s Behind Left (h/t to Greg Palast). This entire package of legislation is a disaster, a hateful and all-too-direct attack on our children. It doesn’t need to be renamed, it needs to be thrown in the trash.

  39. If we’re gonna re-brand it, lets just label it honestly: The Fuck Learning and Take the Goddamn Test Because Your School’s Funding Depends On It Act.

  41. The I Don’t Know How To Think But I Can Punch Buttons On A Calculator Act.

    The Who Cares About Being Qualified, I’m Certified To Teach Act.

    The My Kid Can’t Read, Can’t Write, And Can’t Do Math But He Sure Can Make A Nice Collage Or Power Point Presentation Act.

    The Let’s Pretend We’re Fixing Education By Throwing More Money At It Act.

  42. How about:

    Teachers and Children Working Together Act (TCWTA) or

    Teachers and Children in Cooperation Act (TCCA)

  45. I know it’s not original and it’s probably already been submitted, but I’m sure Drake Sather & Ben Stiller wouldn’t mind too much…
    “The Derek Zoolander Act For Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too”

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