A Contest! Name That Law!

United States Secretary of Education Arne Duncan has not surprisingly said that he’s open to renaming the “No Child Left Behind Act” something else.   Before President Bush, for instance, the Clinton version of the law was called the “Improving America’s Schools Act.”  The underlying law is the Elementary and Secondary Education Act, it’s not going anywhere but a new name is likely in the offing.

Howie Schaffer suggested that the time is now to start naming names.  So let’s have a contest.  The person who offers the best name, decided via a highly arbitrary process involving me and a few friends, wins a signed copy of this picture of DCPS official Justin Cohen in a really tacky frame.  Runners-up get books.

785 Responses to “A Contest! Name That Law!”

  1. Michael Robbins Says:

    The “Successful Schools for a Strong America Act.”
    (If I win, I’m putting the picture of Justin on Ebay.)

  2. Joe Williams Says:

    It should be named Caitlin. Everybody seems to be naming things Caitlin these days. Or Caleb.

  3. Melynda Huskey Says:

    In homage to Japanese anime popular when Japanese pedagogical outcomes were fashionable, I propose “Read (By Scientifically Proven Methods) Or Die.”

  4. Ed Says:

    The All American Chidren Are Above Average Act (AACAAAA)

    Federal Aid to Schools with Handouts In Order of (FASHION)

  5. Mike Antonucci Says:

    The Act of Contrition.

    (for non-Catholics, see Wikipedia)

  6. Josh D. Says:

    Double Back Around To Pick Up The Children We Left Behind Act

  7. GGW Says:

    Hey Joe

    Not Caitlin.


    Because of this. http://www.treas.gov/tic/mfh.txt

  8. Jason P Says:

    Not Even We Think This Will Work Act

    Mega-sized Multiple Choice Exam Act

  9. John P Says:

    Mental Asset Recovery Plan (MARP)

  10. The Crimson Avenger Says:

    The Rearranging the Deck Chairs Act.

  11. Lou Says:

    The Almost Pro-Comp, Not Quite Rhee Reform, Van Roekel Palpable, No Maintenence of Effort Act.

  12. Jacob Says:

    Aligning America’s Reading, wRiting, and aRithmetic Grades

  13. Scooter Says:

    No Child Left Untested

  14. Kat Says:

    Educating All Children Act

  15. E R Brown Says:

    Creating Successful Learning Environments for All Children-
    All Children Can Learn – ACCL

  16. Dee Alpert Says:

    No Excuse Left Behind … because they’re always coming up with new ones.

  17. Catherine Says:

    I figure the name has to get the equity, choice, and standards people on board. I also find it irritating that so few of our popular acronyms (KIPP, TFA, NEA, NCLB, etc) spell anything. So I suggest:

    RACE, the Raise Achievement through Choice and Excellence Act.

  18. Jacob Says:

    Ok i know I sort of already entered this but this one is much better:

    Achieving America’s Reading, wRiting and aRithmatic Goals


  19. Kathleen McNabb Says:

    Every child deserves a good education but not every child wants to go to college, special ed children get taught trades act.

  20. K. Says:

    Every Opportunity to Learn Act

  21. JCC Says:

    Teach Every American Child (TEACh)

  22. Ann F. Says:

    REDO: Resourcing Educational and Developmental Outcomes
    BOOBIES: Bolster Outcomes and Occupational Benefits In Education Success
    EEP: Educational Excellence Priorities
    CREEP: Creating and Resourcing Educational Excellence Priorities
    BRATS: Building Resources for American Teaching Success

  23. Kate in Oklahoma Says:

    (I really like AARRRG!)

    I can’t believe I’m the first to submit this: The Elementary and Secondary Education Act.

    Plain vanilla, no hyperbole, no propaganda. Nah….that’ll never fly…not in 21st century America…

  24. Yes We Can! Says:




  25. Tyler Says:

    Act to Help Children Read Gooder (and do other things gooder, too)

    Obama’s President Because He Got Off His A** and Worked For It, So Should You! Act

    Inspired by Gladwell: The FIRED Act, Fire Incompetent, in need of Remediation EDucators.

    Inspired by Gladwell: The HIRED Act, Hire Inspiring, in need of cRedentials EDucators.

    In all seriousness:

    BLESSED – Building Learning Environments, School by School, EDucation Act.

  26. TMH Says:

    Could We Start Again, Please (CWSAP)

  27. GGW Says:

    I vote for Tyler.

  28. Dandiana Says:

    We have been calling it No Child Left Untested since it inception. Since the unproven belief that attaching consequences to that externally developed achievement tests appears to still have wide support, I propose we call it that.

  29. Mr. T. Says:

    How about:

    Mass Overhaul To Holistically Edify Regulations For Universally Competitive K-12 Education Reform.

    Wait, we already use that popular acronym….

  30. MickiK Says:

    SSTSDM – Stop Standardized Testing So Damn Much-

    Let teachers teach to the children and not to the tests!

  31. Julie Dalley Says:

    The No Child Gets Ahead Act.


    The Hail Mary With Two Seconds Left on the Clock Act…

  32. Bob Zavasnik Says:

    How about a law that allows paddling and calling it

    No Child’s Behind Left?

  33. Scott McLeod Says:

    In honor of #2 at http://snipurl.com/c1f1p

    ASTAPS (Another Solution To A Previous Solution)

    I really like Josh D’s entry!

  34. Kate Blosveren Says:

    Administration, Do no Harm Damnit! (ADHD)

    Don’t Reinvent the Wheel (DRAW) Act

    And, in all seriousness,

    Strengthen the Education Pipeline

  35. Michael Rasmussen Says:

    The Successful Schools, Successful Children Act

  36. James Brannigan Says:

    21st Century Educational Initiatives Act

  37. Christopher Reeves Says:

    Ignoring the Impact of Parents and Putting the Blame on Teachers Act

    Placing blame on Teachers not Lazy Parents Act

    No Teacher Left Unjaded

    Teach to the Test Act

  38. Jack Kraemer Says:

    I think, if we can get his permission, we should rename it the Garrison Keillor Act. After all, NCLB is no more of a fictional construct than Lake Woebegon where “all the children are above average!”

  39. EdSpin Says:

    A subliminal message: The CHARTER Act
    Congress Has A Responsibility To Educate Resourcefully

    Based on the President’s remarks during a recent visit to a DC public charter school, “This kind of innovative school…is an example of how all our schools should be.” (http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog_post/how_our_schools_should_be/)

  40. Bob S. Says:

    For this cheesy concept, a cheesy name:
    FETA: Federal Education Takeover Act

  41. Kate in Oklahoma Says:

    Since the inception of the current act, we have been calling it NVLB: No Vendor Left Behind.

    I sincerely hope that, this time, the act will be about kids and schools and not about how much money there is to be made.

    Knowing Individual Development’s Significance

  42. Don Goerg Says:

    The new name for NCLB is “LIFTAC”-A Light in the Forest for All Children Act

  43. Stephen Krashen Says:

    Susan Ohanian has suggested “No child left unfed.”

  44. sandy kress Says:

    how about the AGREE act – All Graduate Ready for (Higher) Education and Employment Act?

  45. Walt klose Says:

    Every Child Left Behind Act, Teacher Burnout Act, We Be Smart Act, Promote a Dropout

  46. Kent D Says:

    National Testing Services Subsidy Act.
    Thinly Veiled Attempt at Totally Destroying Public Education in an Attempt to Privatize Education with Voucher Programs Act.

    Also any words to yield the acronym CRAP, HOGWASH, or WORTHLESS.

  47. JACK Says:

    How about:

    No Child Left a Dime?

  48. Lee M. Says:

    No Butt Left Uncovered

    Because that’s what NCLB turned into all too often.

  49. T Hanks Says:

    The Education Stimulus Package

  50. Wade Tillett Says:

    How about the, It’s too difficult and expensive to actually look at education as part of a matrix of injustice and inequality in all aspects of society so we’ll just pretend like education alone can solve all our problems because at least then we’re using taxpayer dollars to create a market where edupreneurs and other mouseketeers can make a buck while removing the burden of educating our children from public governance Act. Or the This School Could Be Yours Act for short (advertising). Don’t believe me, believe Susan: http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1812758,00.html. Also see Cato: http://www.cato.org/pubs/pas/pa-386es.html

  51. DN-Hanover, NH Says:

    The Child-Propulsion Act

    Take your pick, jet engine or propeller. (Sorry, it’s not supposed to sound like children are propelling something. That would be child labor!)

  52. Caroline Says:

    How about the, Let’s Tell Everyone They’re Going to College Even If They’re Not Qualified Act?

    Or, Drive Every Teacher Out (who has) eXperience?

    Or how about some training in basic mathematical concepts, such as the fact that “average” means that MANY PEOPLE WILL BE ON THE LOWER END OF THE SCALE – hence the term “average.” We need a mass refresher on mean, median, and mode!

  53. Donit Says:

    Another Administration, Another Education Act Act

  54. Kevin Moss Says:

    Unable to Count the Children Left Behind Act

  55. Scott Says:

    Some Adult Right Ahead

    (sort of flips the phrase word by word, and has a nice ring to it)

    Personally, as a private school teacher I loved “No Child Left Behind” since it allowed me to make the joke: “I teach at private school. We’re allowed to leave children behind.”

  56. And the Oscar goes to Says:

    Ack, The Mess Bush Left Behind.

  57. Donit Says:

    Federal Dollars for Scholars Act

  58. Donit Says:

    Weapons of Mass Education Act

  59. Dan Says:

    Advocate Bland Curriculum (Our new ‘ABC’s)
    Every Test Left Behind
    Education Testing Companies Left Behind
    All Testing Company Profits Spent on Education

  60. amy Says:

    How about the Hire Teachers Who Know A Goddamned Thing Or Two Besides Pedagogy and Hoopjumping Act (HTWKAGTOTWPHA)? No?

    OK, how about the Cry As China Leaves Us In the Dust Act? (CACLUDS?)

    Maybe the Remedial Bachelor’s Degree Act.

    Or the Never Come Near My Child With A Calculator Again Act.

    As the parent of a kindergartner, I’m more & more in favor of the Hand Over the Per-Cap Money to the Parents So We Can Educate Them Act. Yes, i know NCLB gets there eventually, but it takes too goddamned long.

  61. Donit Says:

    Study Abroad in China Act

  62. Scott Says:

    Actually, I like each of these better:

    Yes Adult Right Ahead.


    Yes-Man Right Ahead.

  63. lennerd Says:

    No Crony Left Behind

    Since NCLB was instituted, the standardized testing edifice [cronies of gov't bureaucrats?] in USA has gone from a 1 billion a year to a 10 billion a year industry. Zo, government is smaller, but TESTINK iss beeger! And who paid for all that increase? Hahahaha! School Districts, that’s who! Hahahaha. Only, nobody gave them any more money to do it with and so what did they do? They scaled back elsewhere. Where would that be? In the classroom: larger class sizes, fewer teachers per student. Ain’t it great? Are we not the smartest people on the EARTH? Hahahaha.

  64. Alex Says:

    How about Every Child Held Back?

  65. Tom in NC Says:

    Renaming the No Child Left Behind Act is retarded. In that spirit, I offer my two suggestions:

    Because Americans Really All Care for Kids (BARACK)

    Offspring Benefits Are More-or-less Affordable (OBAMA)

  66. Jerry Heaney Says:

    Texas Two-Step & Textbbook Lobby Act

  67. Yesman Says:

    Bankers to Teachers Rehabilitation Program

    Provision 1: Double teacher salaries
    Provision 2: Remove teacher certification requirements
    Provision 3: Hazard pay for teaching underprivileged schools
    Provision 4: Keep bonuses under $18 billion

    It might just work…

  68. peterhenry Says:

    How about:

    “The Unfunded Mandates Statistically Impossible Goals Act” ?

    “Testing Companies Financial Enrichment Act” ?

  69. M. Ponomareff Says:

    I submit that a supplementary HWH ‘Homeschool without Houses’ Act may also be both necessary & appropriate.

  70. TWC Says:

    Equality in Education Act (aka The Level Playing Field Act)

  71. Charles Says:

    Education is a Local Responsibility Act or
    No Constitutional Responsibility for Administering this Program (NoCRAP).

    Just like every most federal program…feed it dollars, make more paperwork, employ more workers, degrade the final product.

  72. dan Says:

    Educate the Educatable and Leave the Rest Behind

    Seriously. Leave them behind. They don’t want to be in school anyway. Let them go learn a trade or work at walmart or an equally mindless job (congress? Alaska governor?).

  73. Robert Says:

    eEach eChild eWill eSucceed eAct

  74. PeaBeans Says:

    No School Left Standing
    (because you can’t possibly get better every year)

    No Time to Teach–We’re Busy Testing Act

    Let’s Gut This Act and Really Support Education in America

  75. Yrmom Says:

    Everybody Make Chicken Salad Although Some of You Only Get Chicken S**t Act (And No, We Don’t Fund Mayo or Celery)

  76. SueM. Says:

    How about the….

    Yes-We-Can Educate Children Act


    The No More C-Students as President Act

    Or, to answer 43′s verbatim question, posed January 11, 2000, in Florence, SC: “Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning?”, the…

    Yes, Our Children is Finally Learning Act

  77. Regroover Says:

    Classroom Size Improvment Act (CSIA), to prepare our failing students for overcroded jails act JSIA, brought to you by Numbskulls in Government who want to Provide a Cheap but Worthless Camera Opportunity NGPCWCO, or “W” for short.

  78. David Torney Says:

    The Pols are Your Pals Act

  79. Kathy Says:

    Empowered Learners’ Act

  80. Jeff F. Says:

    Where Have the Good Teacher’s Gone

    After years of excessive regulations and testing that have eroded the essence of the great American classroom, THEY HAVE LEFT the profession.

  81. Drew Says:

    I propose the “Don’t Task, Don’t Fail” Act.

  82. mike Says:

    Long ago I was taught the Septic Tank Rule. School District Administrations adhere strictly to the rule. Just Like Septic Tanks, in School Districts the “poop” floats to the top (and stays there stinking). (This rule was shared by a Vice-Principal, great guy, who didn’t last long.). In that spirit, I propose:
    Schools Essentially Perpetually Teaching Idiotic Content and Testing All Nonsense Knowledge ACT.

  83. njb Says:

    Funding Opportunity and Potential in Our Children Education Act….

    FOPCA? Na….

  84. Chris Says:

    Robin Hood Act

    Take resources from the gifted, give to the dim witted.

  85. Robert Says:

    As an alternative iEach iChild iWill iSucceed iAct

  86. Charles Says:

    I propose:

    Enrich The Test Publishers While Bankrupting Schools Act

  87. J. Greene Says:

    The Tale of Sound and Fury Signifiying Nothing Act

    (Also known as the Macbeth Initiative)

  88. Julie Says:

    Teach Each Child to Weed N’ Wite as Good as “W” Act

  89. Lew Cohen Says:

    Fancy Formula For Failure FFFF or 4F

  90. Ella Sheynkin Says:

    Equal Opportunity Education EOE

  91. Mary D Says:

    What it will continue to be:
    DADA: Dumb America Down Act

    What I wish it were:
    Love to Learn Act

  92. sfenerule Says:

    Adults Fiddle While Children Act

    “Children, stop your nurses!” -Don Van Vliet

  93. Dana Says:

    I always thought the original act should have been called “No One Child Left Behind”.

    How about simply “We Owe Kids A Better Education Act”?

  94. Art S. Says:

    The “Everyone is an expert in education except teachers act”

  95. Julie Says:

    The Sarah Palin Slipped Through the Cracks Literacy Act

  96. public school teacher Says:

    It should be:
    One Size Fits All

    Because whether a child trips on it because it’s too long, or his or her belly shows because it is too short, it’s the best possible way to cover a child- in all seasons too!

  97. Chris Says:

    If You Are Smarter Than a Bush You Pass Act

    The Average IQ is 100 Act

    Your Teacher is Tired of Trying to Figure Out How the F*** Not to Leave You Behind While Everyone Else is Bored Silly and Learning Nothing Act

  98. Brian Says:

    Hope It Creates An Intelligent Majority Act (HICAMA)

  99. John Says:


  100. dr mom Says:


    Senseless Measures of Arithmetic, Reading and Teaching in lieu of Education Reform

  101. John J Kalicki Says:

    Each Child Shows Less Behind

  102. Kyra from Murray Says:

    Thinking Optional Act
    360 Act- Because we’re right back where we started
    Delusional Reductive Un-acheivable Goals act

  103. I. M. Kindly Says:

    Left Child Behind, Oh No! Act
    First Their Left Behind, Then Their Right One Act

  104. Netchemist Says:

    Someone already mentioned Garrison Keillor; what about

    The Lake Woebegon Act

  105. Robin Says:

    Growth/Relevance/Ability/Support/Promise Act (GRASP)

  106. rkidd Says:

    Your kid’s stupid , but we’ll pass him anyway.

  107. Stan Says:

    Shortchanging education, here’s what George Bush said:
    “No child is left benind if no child can get ahead!”

    Let’s call it the Relief for Bushed Schools Act.

  108. bbonnet Says:

    A Priest-run Catholic School Program:
    Leave no Child’s Behind

  109. John Erhart Says:

    I like “How Are We Going to Get These Kids’ Test Scores Up? Act.” I seem to hear this every day I’m at school; it must be the unofficial name for something.

  110. Ed Pischedda Says:

    How ’bout “Nobody Wants to Admit That Their Kids Are Stupid or Are Suffering From Their Parents’ Batterings by the Misfortunes of Life or Poor Lifestyle Choices, So Lets Blame It All on the Teachers and Administrators Act”?

  111. Maurice Says:

    How about:

    “Mandatory Redacting of All Baby-Boomers Rebranding of the Appropriately-Named ‘Elementary and Secondary Education Act’”

  112. FLProf Says:

    Yes, Child, We’re Behind (Get Moving!) Act

  113. Doris in Portland Says:

    No Child Allowed to Rise Above Mediocrity Act

  114. JANE Says:

    Don’t worry, you won’t be able to afford college anyway act

  115. Steve Says:

    “Reach Out And Test Someone” Act

  116. Peter Says:

    Not Yet Smarter Than a Fifth Grader (NYSTFG)

    We’re Coming For You, Japan (WCFYJ)

    Tropicana’s: The Juice is Worth the Read (TTJWR)

    These Color’s Don’t Run (from Calculus) (TCDRC)

    Keep Our Daughters Off the Pole Act of 2009 (KODOPA)

  117. Eugene Hazanov Says:

    Never Mind Child Behind Act

  118. Eugene Hazanov Says:

    Hey, Teacher, Leave Those Kids Behind Act

  119. Eugene Hazanov Says:

    Smarty Pants or Clever Skirt for Every Child Act

  120. Marnie Singer Says:

    STOP: Support Teachers and Open Pedagogy Act

  121. lawrence Says:

    SEA — Standardize Everything Act.

  122. Danny Says:

    Some kids should be left behind

  123. Sketco Says:

    Stop the Kids at the Top Act; Only the Kids at the Bottom Count Act; Only the Testmakers Win Act

  124. Jac Says:

    Intelligent Design Invades Our Teaching act

  125. Winifred Reilly Says:

    No Child Left With Funding

  126. Don Reed Says:

    Grading On The Curve Of The Curve Wink Wink Act

  127. randomthoughts Says:

    The Who In Their Right Mind Would Go Into Teaching Now Act

  128. Geoff Says:

    The Every Child Takes It In The Behind act

  129. Khai Says:

    Another Form of Corporal Punishment on Their Behinds

    A College Major in Test-Taking Can’t Be Far Behind

  130. John Whiting, London Says:

    Whatever happens, the kids will lose their butts, so “No Child Left with a Behind”.

  131. Simon Says:

    Eight Years of Education – What did you learn?

  132. Jim Ryan Says:

    How about calling it the “Making Johnny and Suzie Study as Europeans Do Will Ruin their Childhoods, So Let’s Stay Mediocre” Act

  133. Jerry Speraw Says:

    The Real Effort to Make Education Meaningful, Broadening, Enlightening, and Relevant Act (REMEMBER Act)

    The “Politicians Who Say They’re in Favor of Education, But Just Not Paying For It” Accountability Act

    The “Ignorance is Bliss, Don’t Worry Be Happy” Act

    The “If You Think That Education Costs Too Much, Try Ignorance” Act

  134. Mike Says:

    No Standardized Test Left Behind


    Standardized Testing Company Federal Bailout Relief Act

  135. Cliff Says:

    The No Child Can Get Ahead Lest Anyone Be Left Behind Act

    The Let’s All Feel Good While Solving Nothing Act

    The Let The Only Kid Who Fails Hurt the School District Act

    The Standardized Test Tampering Promotion Act

  136. Randy Says:

    The “dumb it down” and fall behind Asia Act!

  137. Gina Says:

    Replace Education with Testing Act

    Out with Educational Philosophy Act

    Teacher-Proof Micro-Education Act

    Stunt Brain Development and Waste Lots of Money Act

  138. Gina Says:

    No Administrator Left Behind

  139. Martin Says:

    The “Yo, We Gotta Take Another Test” Act.

    “Lets Boor the Shit Out of the Kids by Teaching for the Test Act”

    “Republicans Against Free Thought in Education Act”. or just the “Republicans Against Public Education Act” for short.

    How about “Let’s Gut the Public Education System so the Wealthy Won’t Have to Pay Poor Children to Learn Act”. or “If the Public Schools Fail We Can Justify the Voucher Act and Freely Teach Creationism Act, Act”

    My best one is “Dampen Independent Thought In Education So the Class of 2012 Can Help Put the Republicans Back in the White House Act”

  140. Robbie the Ruthless Says:

    How about naming it for the letter sent to the parents of the kids who failed the test…

    YO Child Left Behind

  141. David Says:

    The Voucher-Readiness Act
    The Teacher Held Hostage Act
    The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy Act
    The Consumers of Tomorrow Act

  142. Professor Bill Says:

    TESTES: The Educational Standardized Test Enforcement System.

  143. Robert H Says:

    Educating Our Future Act (EOFA)
    Educating The Future Act (ETFA)

  144. Joe Sweet Says:


    Bleed Teachers Personal Resources Dry While Walking Tightrope Blindfolded With Hair on Fire Act

  145. C Cook Says:

    The Eyes Down, Pencils Up Act.

  146. Adult Says:

    The dumbasses of tomorrow act.

    We learn gooder and bestest act.

    Students and Teachers Understanding and Pursuing Intelligent Development. (S.T.U.P.I.D)

    The I can’t learn so I’ll join the military act.

  147. Mad Mom Says:

    How about the no idiot, who probably has never actually read the act, left without his thumb where it shouldn’t be (behind) while children are actually being left behind act.

  148. Bill Says:

    We should increase the physical education requirements for kids and rename it, “No Child With a Big Behind.”

  149. Michael J Says:

    We don’t want an education system that makes our schools palaces of learning that install the joy of gaining knowledge. That would cost too much. Remember taxes? We just want day care. So clearly, we should call it:

    Day Care R Us Act


    We Can’t Do It Better But We Can Do It Cheaper Act

  150. Glenn Campbell Says:

    How about ” All Children Are Created Equal Act”

  151. TalG Says:

    For years Jerry Pournelle (science fiction writer) and his wife, Roberta (educator) have referred to this act as the “No Child Allowed Ahead” act. Which has been true, the gifted and most intelligent children were forced to remain behind as more assets were thrown at those children unable or unwilling to learn.

    So instead of renaming the act, let’s reaim the act. Promoting learning, true learning in the place of tests, standards and rankings. Giving those who want to learn an environment to learn in. Giving those who have problems attention as well, but not at the expense of those who will be potentially our future doctors, scientists and explorers.

  152. Prof. Mike Says:

    How about the Test Them Till They Drop (4TD) Act.

  153. MarTina Dundas Says:

    I believe that ‘No Child Left Behind’ should be not only renamed, but also restructured. The name I’d prefer, after much disappointment with how it has affected the education of school-aged children, is spurred by the result of not only my son’s lack of services, but thousands upon thousands of other children’s neglect as well. I would love to hear the name: PROGRESS FOR ALL. I believe still that NO child should be left behind. In following that respect for students who aren’t at grade appropriate levels, they should be focused on to better their education and retentions of their studies. Students much like my son COULD HAVE benefited from EARLY TESTING of higher abilities that, again, COULD HAVE been even further advanced. I was all for this program since the first utterances with the general public; I was highly DISENCHANTED when it came time for my son to begin his public schooling. I was told that there just wasn’t funding as much as had been available when I was school-aged for those who had more advanced perception and abilities. There were plenty of resources to help with the speech issue he had, but nothing to keep him encouraged and eager to be in his schools’ classrooms, learning new thoughts/ideas/facts, PROGRESSING. With his ever-slacking interest in his classrooms he began to have behavior issues especially in times where he was ‘Held-At-Bay’ in a classroom which other children weren’t ‘Left Behind.’ I know yet that my son is still very much intelligent, but the margins have only narrowed more and more each year between himself and his ‘age’ peers. The funding for schools to offer services THROUGHOUT the spectrum of ALL students’ abilities NEEDS TO BE REVISITED. Let’s be fair to ALL students.


  154. j.Douthett Says:

    “Striving for Mediocrity in the Brave New Century” or “Let No Gifted Get Ahead”

  155. Milo Says:

    Children’s Recovery Action Plan
    Better known as the CRAP act!

  156. Gary Says:

    we’ve had the
    Big Brother Educational Improvement Act
    Brave New Mass Education Act

    could be it’s time for the

    Student Potential Act

  157. Ellen Rennard Says:

    B.U.L.L. Bureaucrats Unite to Level Learning

    D.I.P.S. Destroy the Institution of Public Education

    I.D.I.O.T. Ignore Dependable Input of Teachers

    from a 25+ year veteran teacher who left public schools for private many years ago, as will all the children whose parents have any sense and can afford to do so unless they are lucky enough to land scholarships

  158. Kf Says:

    Every child left behind can become a congressman.

  159. Peter Lomtevas Says:

    Public Integrity and Liability Enforcement of Corruption Reform in Public Schools Act, known as the “PILE Of CRAP”.

  160. Lori Jackson Says:

    A Rose is Still A Rose Even When It Stink Act

    There are far too many problem inherent in this bill to simply think that a name change will solve the problem. The idea of leaving no child behind is a lovely bumper sticker with an ugly reality. Let’s start over.

  161. Peter Lomtevas Says:

    Can we now take a swipe at other federal legislation like child support, child abuse protection and treatment and adoption and safe families? Those also deserve new names.

  162. Stu Hancock Says:

    I submit:


    I think they pretty much speak for themselves.

  163. Catalin DUnnet Says:

    We’ve always called it the No Child Left Alone Act. Best thing you could do with that bugger is SCRAP IT.

  164. Margi Says:

    The way it works now, it should be known as
    No child held accountable
    or maybe
    No child left behind, even if they can’t read, write or do arithmetic
    or simply
    You Are Kidding

  165. GreGG Wiederer Says:

    Per the Einstein quote, by definition.

  166. Bruce Lackie, Ph.D. Says:

    I am a trauma therapist – My bumper sticker reads:


  167. Julie J Says:

    Test-publisher’s stimulus package

  168. Jacquie Scuitto Says:

    A good aim and a name to match would be the Help Education Work Act.

  169. Teri Says:

    No Teacher Left Standing Act

    No Parent Held Accountable Act

    No Student Left Really Responsible Act

  170. Rena in Virginia Says:

    Why Bother with Depth of Knowledge…We Can Choose the Correct Bubble Answer Act

    The Death of Creativity and Innovation in America Act

    Teach Only Until the Test is Taken – What Else Remains to Learn? Act

    Excelling Students are not Challenged Act

    Don’t just rename the act – change it. Bring back the love of learning to our country.

  171. trew Says:

    Retroactive Education Funding Upgrade Challenge or REFUC

  172. T. Haley Says:

    Learning By Rote Instead of Teaching to Critically Think Act. Sheeple instead of rebels of which we are in dire need. The last thing is we need right now is more of then same to run this country!

  173. doc Says:

    reapply the act to address proper dress code : ” no child’s left behind”

  174. Helen Beckerhoff Says:

    Quality Education Directive (Q.E.D.)

  175. Sandy Says:

    “What’s in a name? A rose by any other…” Shakespeare’s words ring true in this inane re-naming process. Who cares what you call it-it doesn’t work. Don’t rename it, revise it so that better qualified teachers are encouraged to go back to teaching. Perhaps children would acquire the skills they need to move on if we weren’t scraping the bottom of the educational barrel for teachers by paying them poorly. Why test kids if all teaching is doing is preparing them to pass tests. This type of teaching doen’t mean a thing. How about: EDUCATE – or Every Dollar Used Can Attract Teachers to Educate.

  176. Nancy Rodgers Says:

    In addition to not leaving any students behind, the program needs to focus on pushing all students ahead so that our country is not left behind on the international level. So I suggest the following name:

    No Country Left Behind, especially US.

  177. Pat Says:

    Some suggestions:

    Vilify Teachers/Lobotomize Students Act

    A School Is Only As Good As the Students Who Go There Act

    What Would Socrates Do? Act

  178. personna Says:

    Think positively but realistically: “Mind the Gap”

  179. Gwen Says:

    Renaming this ridiculous act that poses to serve our children will just be calling it another name. We need to get rid of it. Until then – I will continue to call it the “No Child Allowed Ahead Act.”

  180. Richard R. Oswald Says:

    “Every Child Left to Find a Job Act”
    “No Teacher Left Unchallenged”
    “No Standard Left Unproposed”

    English should not be overemphasized in favor of Asian and South American dialects.

  181. Thomas Beck Says:

    The “Is Our Children Learning?” Act

  182. David N. Says:

    The Learn How to Talk American Real Good Act

    The No. 2 Pencil Manufacturer Stimulus Act

  183. John Roehmer Says:

    How about “Knowledge for Life” as the new name? The basics in education are certainly critical, but the education system needs to deliver young adults ready to confront the realities of building a successful life with the tools and understanding necessary for making moral choices and contributing to our nation.

  184. Saul Raw Says:

    Reinventing the Wheel and Throwing Good Money After Bad Act

  185. Teri Says:

    “Universal Access for Stupidity” Act

    “Reading First, Last, and All Day Long” (Math optional) Act

    “Focus on the Lows and Slows, Ignore all Others” Act

  186. milfordd Says:

    All American children are above average sound good to me.

  187. Doug Marvy Says:

    One and only one name will do. There are, in fact, several acts passed by Congress since its inception in the late 1700′s that could be lumped under this name. The name points directly to the fact that the US Congress is and always has been owned and operated by agents of commerce and the acts they have passed clearly reflect this condition. I propose the “All People Left Behind” act.

  188. susan zahler Says:

    Since the tests that resulted from the NCLB act are not helping the students, and not used to winnow out bad teachers, I proposed the law be named after it’s real use: the JREP act. Standing for the Justify Real Estate Prices act.

  189. Bill Zwicker Says:

    “No nutty education reform idea left behind.”

  190. Robert L. Pirtle Says:

    The Ignoramus Sheducation Act!

  191. BP Says:

    Keep the smart kids behind act

  192. Donna Wellings Says:

    No Millionaire Left Behind

  193. JSR Says:

    The Disenfranchisement Panacea Act (DPA)

  194. Lise Quinn Says:

    Why does it need to have a name. If you want the controversy to go away, don’t give it a name. Or name it something completely boring, like 2009 Education Act. Name it something that people like some of those who have posted here can’t make fun of, something the newspapers cannot be ‘witty’ about.

    Or go the other way entirely and find a poster child. Find a child who has benefited from this law. Name it after him, something like Eddie’ Education Act. Or possibly a poster with several children of different races and name it Go To College Act, or Yes We Can Act (hinting to Obama’s campaign).

    But honestly, the NCLB law isn’t working. It is a fiasco as was the administration that created it. I say scrap it and start fresh with ideas there weren’t pulled out of someone’s ….”sleeve”.

  195. Jim Abel Says:

    No! Child left behind?

  196. WJM Says:

    The problem is to get the reality of the program in line with it’s name. Here’s the simplest solution:

    No child left behind; no child moving forward

  197. Cynic Says:

    Why, exactly, is the Federal Government in the education business in the first place? Why are our federal tax dollars being used to fund what are ultimately state or local programs? State governments have a repsonsibility not only to educate to broadly agreed learning standards, but also to teach students critical thinking. Parents have a responsibility to demonstrate that education is valued in the home, and to model that valuation for their children. Without those, all is lost, and we better learn Chinese. Therefore, the act needs to be re-aimed, as well as re-named.

    So, let’s call it – the “Parents are Teachers, Too Act”, and fund state programs that demonstratively improve critical thinking.

    Perhaps, since we are bailing out the testing companies, let’s at least get some value for that by testing both at the beginning and at the end of each school year, and fire the teachers (and students!) who can’t or don’t bother to improve. If kids are not able/willing to learn in school, perhaps they need a different path toward self-sufficiency. If nothing else, that will motivate the participation of lots of parents angry that their child is being thrown out of school. Maybe they can learn to be empowered. We can call it the “Freedom Must be Learned and Earned Act”

    Or else, just admit what we’re doing and call it the “How to Lie With Statistics Act”.

  198. Miles Garrett Says:

    Every Child Right On Track

  199. J Says:

    Harrison Bergeron Act (after the sci-fi short story)

  200. Greg Hackney Says:

    Standarized Tests Are A Joke Act

  201. Dennis Coughlin Says:

    Open Source Education ACT based on Accountability, Collaboration, and Transparency

  202. Bebe Says:

    No Teachers Are Qualified in Low-Income Districts So The Children Get Left Behind Act

  203. Jason Says:

    The “Flush Education Down the Toilet Act”

    or “Some Children Really Should Be Left Behind Act”

  204. Tyler John Says:

    The No More Dubyas Act

  205. Wolf Says:

    Darn you, Julie Dalley!! You beat me to it!!

    I’ve been calling it “No child gets ahead” since Christ was a Corporal.

    Something new… How about the YACUD Act? “Yet Another Congressional Utopian Dream”. (and interchangeable with “Yet Another Congressional Utopian Disaster”, depending on which side of the fence you sit on!)

  206. Bruce B. Says:

    “No Culture Left Blooming” Act. This both recognizes NCLB’s impact on the arts and saves money in an economic downturn by keeping the existing acronym.

  207. F.Baube Says:

    Be Kinder to the Behinder

  208. Tom Hill Says:

    the No Teacher Left Standing act

  209. Bill from Akron Says:

    A colleague of mine suggested a long time ago the “No Child’s Behind Left Untested” act.

  210. Peter Pitman Says:

    NCLB should incorporate two new phases..

    1. AXED?…. Any eXtra crEDit?

    2. COP..MAP..GAA! Cut Out Pictures. Make A Poster. Get An A!

  211. El Guero Says:

    Has anyone thought, in the midst of all this clamor, that maybe Jonathan Swift was right?

  212. Linda Guy Says:

    The name does not need to be changed, only to refocus on the original purpose of the act. This is another Civil Rights type problem, only now the purpose is equality of funding for all schools to teach our children.

    Original act was:
    “The law dates to 1965, when Congress passed it to channel federal money to poor children in the war on poverty, calling it the Elementary and Secondary Education Act.” (NYTimes)

    Names like:

    Curb Children Imagination and Curiosity Act
    Government Always Stifling Teachers Act
    “No Child Left Behind”

    accomplish NOTHING! Lise Quinn in the above post has very good ideas.

    Let the teachers teach, but give all schools equal means to do it!

  213. G Moriarty Says:

    How about “HOW TO Ruin Public Education in America Act”

  214. txmax Says:

    You Can Test ‘Em All You Want To, But You Can’t Make ‘Em Think Act

  215. Sandy Says:

    I’ve been personally calling it “Mo Childs Left Behind”. I enjoy dialects and I thought changing two letters to make the meaning opposite of the original namer’s intent was kind of witty. I’ve been told it is racist. I don’t know why, it’s just playing with sounds. In fact, children of all races and needs are left behind. It’s an equal lack-of-opportunity act. Maybe the “don’t think about education that makes sense and make a ton of money on testing” act? Oh wait, that’s too many letters…

  216. Anna Says:

    “No child left behind; no child moving forward” – is a good idea. It summarizes the best intention of education act. They really don’t want children lagging in education, but there is no intetion to allow smart children to realize their potential.

  217. Peter Says:

    By concentrating on the slow children, the top students are being unchallenged — if they can pass the base “competence” level, they’re ignored. Kind of dumb, if you ask me — the people who make this country great are the smart ones who thrive on challenges. But due to this law, they’re not getting what they need. That’s how you train slackers.

    So I call it the “NCAA” act — No Child Allowed Ahead.

  218. Warren Says:

    No Child Steps Out of Line. Originally called “No Child Moves Ahead” in our community, because the act appeals to the lowest common denominator and holds the stronger students back while waiting for others to catch up.

  219. James Says:

    No Child Allowed Ahead

    Has the exact same meaning as the real name.

  220. BOB Says:

    HOW ABOUT “THE PUBLIC EDUCATION ‘HAIL MARY PASS’ ACT?” With the birthrate increasing exponentially and zero hope of reversing that any time this century; under-educated out-of-work parents swamped by the stress of their own financial problems and busy watching “American Idol;” tax revenues down everywhere; school systems everywhere out of money; gangs and drugs infiltrating classrooms everywhere; the religious freaks trying to ban science and re-write the curriculuum, it will take divine intervention to save public education in America. Q: Is there even a celestial superhero willing to listen? And if there is, can she respond in time for today’s kindergartener to graduate in 12 years knowing how to read?

  221. Lieutenant Breakfast Says:

    No Child Behind Left

  222. Mark Erickson Says:

    This is a serious entry. One of the choices for what became NCLB was:

    One Child at a Time

    This gets to the heart of the biggest problem of NCLB: AYP is pegged to a grade level, so that year to year comparisons are between completely different kids. This is crazy.

    Kids should be tracked individually, and results applied to the school atteneded and teachers they have. I’ve read some reports from the stimulus bill that individual tracking is getting started. But will it be applied to AYP and thus sanctions? I hope so.

  223. Helen Says:

    Side by Side Act………………

    Bring them Along Act………..

  224. tom Says:

    SEFAA – Self Esteem For All Act

  225. Dave Thomas Says:

    How about, “No Child Left Ahead?”

    Because that’s exactly what it is doing. By dumbing down the classroom material to reach the lower level students we are then by doing a disservice to those students who thrive in the classroom. To think that all students will all be able to reach a certain level, by a set specific time in their development is a utopianism, and will not amount to much other than highly qualified teachers loosing their jobs due to insufficient standardized test grades. Boo to this act! I believe we should go back to how it was, you learned because you wanted to not because it was forced.

    But whatever, I’m, “old school”. . . And I’m only 23

  226. billy goate Says:

    Every Child Deserves an A Act

    (A winner with our child worshiping patents)

  227. Jerry Speraw Says:

    School Children Having Only Outstanding Learning Experiences Act (SCHOOL Experiences Act)

  228. Philip Abrams Says:

    “Leave no child with a fat behind.”

  229. Morty McGilligian Says:

    Not the most clever, but puts the two most popular buzz-words together

    Raising the Bar and Holding Educators Accountable Act


    or, in honor of Sarah Palin

    The Test Baby Test! Act

  230. Doc Says:

    How about:
    The Kurt Vonnegut Between Time and Timbuktu Act (I’m thinking of the
    ballet sequence here…)

    The Let’s All Strive for Mediocrity Act

    The Let’s Ignore Those with Special Needs Act

    The Swell the Enrollment at Private Schools Act

    The George W. Bush’s Only Enduring Legacy and It Sucks Act

  231. rde Says:

    EIEO: Education Is Equal Opportunity Act

    AKAD: Access to Knowledge Access to Democracy Act

    AMS: Abolish Mental Slavery Act

  232. Alicia Cruz Says:

    The “Do-Over” act.

  233. Adrienne Scheffey Says:

    Every Child Deserves a Chance

  234. Linda Leddick Says:

    The No Public School Left Law

  235. Jeff Says:

    The “No Child Left Behind Unless They’re In A Poor School District” Act

  236. Brian Coyle Says:

    RATFinK – The Remove All That’s Fun in Knowledge Act

  237. Jendozaa! Says:

    In the wake of W., what else can you rename “No Child Left Behind” but…

    “No Adult Left Ahead”

  238. Alvin Simcox Says:

    No High Achieving Student Given Enough Resources To Lead The Way

    No School Board Left Alone

    No Union Contract Steroid-ed Up With Health Benefits That Began Disappearing From The Rest Of The World 15 Years Ago And Are Basically Gone Now Left Unmodified

    No Negligent Parent Left Unshamed

  239. TheDesperateBlogger Says:

    the Teaching Initiative To Advance National Investment in Children (TITANIC)

  240. NorCal Dave Says:

    I’ve always thought a more appropriate name would be:
    “No Child Gets Ahead.”

  241. Superemeritus Says:

    “The NEA Has to Learn to Read First Act” because it imposes accountability on teachers, which is anathema to the union.

  242. Dee Says:

    The “Band-Aid act” or the “Blame the Teacher’s” act

  243. James Quinn Says:

    Suggested by a friend who designs tests for a living…

    No Psychometrician Left Behind

  244. Carol Says:

    The Dog Ate My Homeworl Act

  245. Carol Says:

    Sorry… The Dog Ate My Homework Act…..

  246. bart Says:

    In a tribute to W lets call it “No Child Has a Chance”.

  247. tom stat Says:

    America Learning Act

  248. David Says:

    The “They Were Here a Minute Ago” Act

  249. Susan Says:

    The Schools are for Testing, Not for Learning Act

    The Let’s Catch Up With the Rest of the World By Throwing Out Creativity, the One Thing We Were Good At Act

    The Hold Administrators Accountable by Allowing them to Blame Someone Else Act

    The Criticize, Don’t Fix Act

  250. DaveBE Says:

    Dumbing of America (DOA)
    (tried for DUH acronym,but…)

  251. Maria Says:

    (I picked this up along the years…) Test them ’til There’s No Behind Left (TTNBL) Act

    Stupid Politicians Intensify Testing (SH*T) Act

    Another Uninformed Policy to Dumb-down America (AUPDA) Act

    My Daughter Gets Stomach Pains before Testing (MDGSPT) Act

    Cui Bono? the Follow the Dollar Signs in Education (FDSE) Act

  252. owen franken Says:

    W, Please Stay in Crawford Act

  253. GS Says:

    A shout out to the video game set:

    “All Your Children Are Belong To Us.”


  254. owen franken Says:

    We Should Have (and Did, Actually) Leave You Behind in 2000 Act

  255. Michelle Says:

    test our kids to death act
    rote memorization act
    i loved teach to the test act

  256. Tom Henderson Says:

    In keeping with the federal government’s fetish for acronyms, call it the Developing Underachieving Minds, Broadly Assessing Student Skills (or DUMBASS) Act.

  257. Bruce Says:

    No Child Left Behind…to have sex with the teacher.

  258. Hibby Says:

    The “Go Head, Fire Me!” Act

    Make Children Hate School Act

    Make Teachers Hate School Act

  259. Lori Cole Says:

    During the Bush Administration, it might have been more appropriate to call it “No Child Left a Dime.”

  260. Hibby Says:

    The Let’s Review Federalism Act

  261. Richrd Lamasney Says:

    Kiss My Neo-Conservative Left Behind Act

  262. Dr. Work Says:

    “No Child Left Behind Act” is an anagram of “Fetch Child to Bin Laden”.

    Coincidence? I think not.

  263. Kevin T. Keith Says:

    The President Zoolander Program For Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too Act

  264. don rogers Says:

    leave no child’s behind act.

  265. Tammy Wilborn Says:

    Profits Over Learning In Testing Imperative Curriculum Standards.

    POLITICS for short.

    Or we could just call it the Marketization of Public Education.

  266. steve of nj Says:

    Your Child Just Caught Up Act

  267. Dan R. Says:

    The Have Nothing to do with Learning but Teach to The Test and Determine Real Estate Values Act.

  268. Jacksee Says:

    No Child Left with Recess Act
    A Test A Day Sends the Teachers Away
    Kill All the Trees Act (KAT Act)
    Teachers Resent Ur Stupid Test Act (TRUST)
    Thank God I Have No Children Act

  269. James Quinn Says:

    With apologies to Bono…..

    Every time I clap my hands, a child in the United States gets tested

  270. Kathy Says:

    Students Making a Real Try (SMART Act)

    Starts with the student and doesn’t leave the Art out!!!

  271. BL Says:

    The Princeton Review Stimulus Package

  272. Sean Says:

    Guaranteed Employment for Statisticians and Test Designers Act

  273. Karen Harrison Binette Says:

    The We’ve Subsidized All the Wrong People to Breed and Now We Expect Their Children To Succeed ? Act

  274. Ron Says:

    Telling Us What We Don’t Want to Know Act

  275. Jane Stern Says:

    How about “No Child Left A Mind”?

  276. skaden Says:

    The (not so)Troubled Schools Relief Program Act
    The Eventually Leave Every Child Behind act
    The Obama beats Bush Education Act
    Education (double)Standards Act
    kill childhood Act

    ps The Multiple entries in one post Act

  277. Greene Says:

    Acronyms even the kids can connect with.

    Officially Mandated Governmental Learning Ordinance Legislation act (OMG! LOL act)

    Re-Organize Teaching Fundamentals and Lessons act (ROTFL)

  278. Pleiades Says:

    Why not just let Pearson name it whatever they want? They’re the ones that make all the money off of it anyway! And then, while they’re at it, let them figure out how we can possibly educate all of the OOPS (out of placement students).

  279. Robert Graham Says:

    Is Wal-Mart Hiring Act
    How Do You Spell Education Act
    Whatever, Act
    (more specific) Whatever Dude, Act

  280. S Dunham Says:

    Testable Learning Act: Because if it can’t be quantified, it can’t be taught

  281. Renard Says:

    The I’m Sorry You Weren’t Born in Japan, Son Act

  282. Lin Z. Says:

    How about the

    Dumb Down Our Kids Act

  283. dAMN yANKEE Says:


  284. Sharon Steinhoff Says:

    Some proposals.

    Variations on familiar acronyms:
    Education Reduction Act (ERA)
    Set Aside Thinking (SAT)
    Testing Industry Advancement Act (TIAA)
    Transform Education to Silly Testing (TEST)

    Everyone’s an Educator Now
    to accompany:
    No One’s a Banker Now

  285. Jeff S Says:

    The George W. Bush I don’t want any kids to end up like me Act

  286. Kerry H. Says:

    We must honor the Republican roots of this legislation; I would suggest
    “No Rothschild Left Behind”

  287. john rodwick Says:

    How about “No Child Left with a Dime”

  288. K Jones Says:

    Every Teacher Left Behind

  289. Charles D. Says:

    The ‘No Child Out in Front” Act

  290. Cait Says:

    In reference to the testing, my mom and her school have been calling it

    No Tree Left Uncut

  291. mia Says:

    Equal Access to Education for All Children

  292. Jim Says:

    Is Our Children Learning Act

  293. Ed U. Kaited Says:

    ABC Act – Advancing Backwards Children Act
    CACA Act – Can’t Add, Can’t Audit Act
    TP Act – Totalitarian Preparedness Act

    Take your pick, they all fit. Shame really. Educate yourselves continuously via non mainstream (conglomerate) resources. Otherwise you’re simply wasting your time.

  294. Jim Says:

    Is The Bums Studying (ITBS)

  295. TeacherMan Says:

    The emperor Has No Clothes Act

    (THNC A)

    Strangely enough, all multiple choice tests will be required to have at least 70% of its answers be A. Students who don’t care can then pass and make the administration and the state and congress look good without wasting the educator’s time. The educators will of course recognize the ridiculousness of this but keep their mouths shut in fear of ruining the illusion.

  296. Jim Says:

    Re: Today’s NYT Letters Page:

    I wurked hard, I dezerve an A+ evin though I don’t no the stuff….

  297. Jim B Says:

    How about RCD: Rot-est Common Denominator

  298. Janet Vandenabeele Says:

    The “We Phailed Are Kidz Act.”

  299. Bubbles Says:

    Not Another Testing Experience!

  300. AK Says:

    The Small Coats for Big Kids Act Or The Big Coats for Small Kids Act.

  301. Mark Says:

    Possibility 1: National Curriculum for Test Taking at the Expense of Math/Science/Grammar/History to Preserve Federal Funding Act

    Possibility 2: Minimal Effort Education Reform Act

  302. Fred Says:

    Call it what it is:

    the No Child Left Unharmed Act

  303. Jim Says:

    “What is so irrational about believing that hard work should warrant a high grade?” (NYT Letters Page)

    The Aimee La Fountain Act (ALFA)?

  304. Rebecca Says:

    Teach to the Test not what matters to get through life act
    Who is the important victor act.

    I really like
    Teach to the Test Act

  305. Chris Says:

    The Misunderestimated Child Act

  306. Roger Bourk Says:

    To us this has become the:

    No Child Allowed Ahead Act.

  307. Cheryl Snell Says:

    Many of the highly talented and dedicated teachers I know refer to the results of NCLB as

    No Child Left Standing

  308. Lorna Schuster Says:

    Force All Children To Learn By Rote Memorization Only Act or, More Money For Tests – Not Teachers – Act or, It Takes A Village Idiot Act or, Band Aids for the Broken Legs of Education (BABLE, er, BABEL?) and lastly, Good Enuff for Goverment Work Act.

  309. Matthew Coulter Says:

    No Child Moves Ahead

  310. Michele Says:

    Only one answer…

    “All Parents Held Accountable” Act

  311. GWB Says:

    Test me once, shame on….shame on……uh…..test me twice…uh

  312. Barbara Eberly Says:

    I would like to propose the name
    The Screwtape Proposes a Toast Act
    in honor of the most insightful visionary of the result of government interference in education — published in 1961.
    If you ever learned to enjoy satire, read

  313. Ted Says:

    The “Test ‘em all and let the Feds sort them out Act”.

  314. Matt Says:

    Let’s hope that Education Secretary Arne Duncan has more up his sleeve than a simple renaming of No Child Left Behind. The genesis of the law dates back to LBJ’s War on Poverty and aimed to pour dollars into under-served communities to bolster elementary and secondary education. Sadly, under President George W. Bush the law sunk into the pit of standardized testing. Public school districts, hamstrung by the pressure of the metric of NCLB, began to forsake inspired teaching for test prep, all in the hope of winning federal dollars. Of course, if the stakes of the game are set with raw numbers on tests, who can blame public school districts for shifting curriculum to match the ticket for money for their schools? After all, schools without adequate funding cannot provide signature programs for students. With his bounty of dollars from the stimulus package, Mr. Duncan must take the opportunity to launch an education revolution in America. My suggestion for a new name: Every child pushed ahead.

  315. Dave Says:

    No Child Shall Excel Act

  316. Tom Woodwrd Says:

    Every Child Dumbed Down

  317. C Says:

    Because Underdeveloped Schools Have Wonderful Ancestral Connections (BUSHWAC)

  318. Mitchell Hirsch Says:

    With a hat-tip to the late Paul Goodman, my submission is:

    The Compulsory Mis-Education Act

    It is astonishing to re-read Goodman’s little 1962 book “Compulsory Mis-Education” today (and scandalous that it is out-of-print).

  319. T Says:

    Every Child Left Behind

  320. Lorna Schuster Says:

    Ok, one more:

    Why Homeschooling Is So Popular – Economic Racket Act
    (WHISP-ER Act)

  321. Pat Perkins Says:

    When in Doubt, Choose C Act

  322. Ernst Habicht Says:


    “School Children Are Misunderestimated”

  323. Bruce Says:

    BUSH – The Bureaucratic, Under-thought Scholastic Hokum Act

  324. JoeC. Says:

    School Curriculum Revitalization and Enhancement Work for the Educationally Disadvantaged (SCREWED)

  325. Meow Says:

    The Read a Book and Go Away Act

  326. retiree Says:

    Danny Koretz’s book Measuring Up should be required reading for anybody who wants to do ANYTHING involving tests, test scores, average test scores, and evaluating teachers based on these. Until that happens, I propose the
    “Measuring Education without Understanding the Science of Measurement” Act.

  327. MMZul Says:

    The “All Serious Learning Left Behind” Act
    The “No Thought, All Memorization, Fuhgeddaboudit-After-the-Test” Act
    The “Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Our Schools” Act

  328. Ira Lacher Says:

    Since NCLB was a stealth bill designed to undermine confidence in public education and soften resistance to vouchers for private (read: parochial) schools, I propose renaming it The Federal Circumvent the First Amendment Act of 2001.

  329. Richard Ginn Says:

    My name for the bill.

    “The Crappy Educational Standards Act”

  330. Donald Poochigian Says:

    In the spirit of Candide’s Cunegonde, the program should be renamed: NO CHILD’S LEFT BEHIND! (with exclamation point a constituent component). Offered is a different name providing new cachet to a failed program to which O’Bama adheres in continuation of his unremitting conventionalism.

  331. why me? Says:

    fiat nusquam esse
    because the won’t be able to read it anyway.

  332. Donald Poochigian Says:

    A point of clarification: NO CNILD’S LEFT BEHIND! also evokes the fact the program is half-assed.

  333. AMY Says:

    I call it:

    “My child left behind.”

  334. Way Too Much Education Says:

    The “You Go Ahead, We’re Fine” Act

  335. Ken Montsinger Says:

    Youth Educational Standards ” YES “

  336. Chilly Willy Says:

    Since they will have to work their butts off to pay for all of the stimulas packages that are being given away DAILY, how about “Get off your butts and get to work”

  337. Bob Self Says:

    The No Child Left a Dime Act…
    The No Child is Worth the Time Act…
    The As-If-We-Had-Brain-Between-Us Act…
    The Last Child to Leave, Turn Off the Lights Act.

  338. Bob Says:

    How about:

    TART (Testing and Re Testing) Act
    First World Country, Third World Education Act

  339. Bob Self Says:

    Oh, and not to forget – The Teach ‘Em How to Steal Money Properly Like Our Leaders Do Act

  340. Paul K. Wolber Says:

    How about, “Know that Child we Left Behind? Act!”

  341. Karen Says:

    Let’s call it the SSSS Act – Sacrifice Smart Save Stupid

  342. Bob Self Says:

    …and the ever-popular Training For a Job at WalMart Act. Or how about the “Teach Them How to Work Their Asses Off to Pay Our Debts to China Act”?

  343. Diane Gibbs Says:

    One Child Left Behind

    (to be announced adjacent to China policy)

  344. George Black Says:

    Considering what Bush did for school dropout rates, I humbly suggest:


  345. Randy Says:

    Critical Ramifications of Assessment Policy (CRAP)

  346. John, Boston Says:

    how about the:

    SPEAR – Segregate The Poor Through Education Act (Revised)

    I mean really, when there is test material, who is going to do better:

    A) The student whose parents purchase tutoring and books


    B) The poor student who has to work or both of who’s parents work multiple shifts.


    C) Those children in single parent households.

    Now raise your hand if you can tell me which group won big with the No Child Left Behind.

  347. Bob Self Says:

    The “I Think I Can, I Think I Can, Wishful Thinking Act”

  348. Bob Self Says:

    The “We’re From the Federal Government, and We’re Here to Help You” Act.

  349. Justin Sweet Says:

    “Your Child’s Future is a Campaign Slogan Act”

  350. Jonathan Harber Says:

    Yes We Can Achieve! (YWCA)
    Yes We Can Learn (YWCL)

  351. A.D.S. Says:

    Educators Measuring Obedience (Emo) Act

  352. Isabel Chicquor Says:

    Children Win

  353. Veronica Says:

    What about “Let’s Make Poorer Schools Suffer More” Act or the “No Extracurricular Activities makes Children Do Worse” Act? Or, how about the “Only leave children behind in minority and immigrant communities” Act? Or the “Dumb a$$ Re-testing” Act. Perhaps “The Rich Get Richer While the Poor Get Dumber” Act or “Children Advance Through Social Promotion” Act

    Let’s try a completely new act like Real Assessment Means Real Education. Which means really assessing what the needs of each school or school district are and basing the funding on that. Or the “Advancement through Quality Education” Act.

    If not, I’ll have to enact my own act with my 4 year old called “My Mommy Stopped Paying Taxes to Teach Me” Act, meaning I may have to stop working to teach my child if things keep going the way they have been.

  354. Piet Bess Says:

    A. Eliminate Public Education Act
    II. Public Education Only For The Privileged Act

  355. DarnIt Says:

    How about “No Child or Teacher Held Accountable”

  356. MY Says:

    All Children Left Behind

  357. Kelly Hannon Says:

    How about the “Will This Be On the Test?” Act

  358. Bob Self Says:

    The Department of Redundency Department Act For Change Department Act
    I Wish I Had Two Nickels to Rub Together Act

  359. JP Bennett Says:

    No Child Left Ahead

  360. J E Says:

    Americas Communist Education System. ACES
    Why isn’t it ok to want to be the school janitor anymore? Not everyone is cut out to be a brain surgeon or banker or politician. Last time I checked everyone still had different talents. Math and reading are not the only things that make up a quality lifestyle.

  361. Carrie Says:

    Jokingly: Driving Creative Minds Away from the Teaching Profession Act

    Seriously: the Children as Individual Learners Act, meaning we would have to change the law completely…

  362. JC in Oregon Says:

    How about these?

    Children And Teachers Crisis Help (CATCH)

    People Investing in Education (PIE)

    Responsibile Investment in Global Human Talent (RIGHT)

    Something To Invent Mostly Unfair Lifetime Unemployment Situations (STIMULUS)

  363. Frufru Says:

    The Most Uncreative, Republican, Boring, Uninteresting, Excruciatingly Hair-brained Act That Congress has ever failed to put down.

  364. James Says:

    The real Project for the New American Century. (PNAC)

  365. Frufru Says:

    No Child Gets Ahead is also good.

  366. Kurt Says:

    “The No Child Rides The Bus Without Bringing Gas Money Act,” and other thoughts on the future at:

  367. Bob Self Says:

    The “We’re Sorry We Screwed Up the Planet, and We’d Help You If We Could, But We Haven’t Got the Time Act”

  368. snooch Says:

    The Learn How to Pass a Standardized Test so We Don’t Have to Teach You to Really Think Act

  369. physyKO Says:


    Capacities in the
    Tests &

  370. J. Thomas Duffy Says:

    The Garlic offers these;

    Leave Bush Behind Act
    Clear Bush Policies Act
    All Children To The Front Act
    Clean Minds Act
    Compassionate Education Act
    He’s Gone, Now We Can Learn Act

    And, in homage to former Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings, The Flashcards with Buster Act

  371. Champ Says:

    “New, Original Action on Education” Act, the natural shortened version of the name of the Act then being “NO Action on Education” Act.

  372. Jenifer Olson Says:

    Okay, how about this? When I was dancing, the choreographer called us SLUGS or Slow Learners Under Great Stress. Ha! (kidding of course)

    I’m thinking Worlds of Wonder or Working on Winning (WOW) or some such uplifting acronym. I’ll keep thinking. :-)

    Jenifer Olson

    P.S. I’m reading your book and loving it. Thanks!

  373. F.G. Says:

    Education (Endeavor) Enrichment Act; or

    Makin/Building Education (that) matters/count Act; or

    (Forming) Sustainable Education Act; or

    Value Education Act

  374. Courtney Says:

    JHHBAY “Just Hold Him Back A Year”

    That’s all I’ve heard since the testing started. Nothing to work on at home, no tutoring program, just keep him back, it’ll be easier!

  375. snooch Says:

    Be Responsive to Aptitude Interrogatories Not Intelligence ACT

  376. Bob Self Says:

    The If Life Were Fair We Wouldn’t Even Be Here Act

  377. Courtney Says:

    I almost forgot!

    “Just Put Them on Drugs Act”

    I’ve gotten that one too, not from someone trained to make that decision, it would just make this easier.

  378. Doing The Right Thing Says:

    “Every Left-Behind Child’s Left Behind Righted” Act

  379. Bob Self Says:

    The Forget About Education, Focus On the Lottery Act

  380. P-Dog Says:

    Fin-singa-da, after three countries which continually spank our no child left behinds.

  381. Harold Winshel Says:

    The “No Child Left Untested” Act,

  382. Harold Winshel Says:

    No “No Administrator Left Untested” Act.

  383. Peter Conrad Says:

    Most folks in the education business – teachers, administrators, parents, students – know what helps children to perform well on tests, or, something that is more important, to learn well how to learn: teachers who know their subject, are generally well educated, and who know how to teach; administrators who support them by limiting their work load to what is manageable and paying them enough to do it in a safe, orderly environment; parents who consider education an important part of their children’s upbringing and are supportive of their kids efforts; and students who have realized that education is interesting, valuable, fun, or something else worth the effort. Inspiration, taking care, working reasonably hard, and nurturing the enjoyment of it all do better than preparing for and taking tests. Harder to measure, though.
    A big drawback of measurement by standardized test is that there will always be students who excel, and those who don’t. You might be able to push the whole statistical distribution to the right, but the trailing edge will always be there. You’ll never get all the kids to be above average. There are also developmental limitations that humans have, and sometimes you have to just wait until someone is ready to make a certain step.
    What, then constitutes being “left behind”? The name certainly ought to be ditched. If we want a name to encourage or inspire, “No Child Left Behind” certainly is not it. In any case, all programs from the Bush years were named in newspeak – the names said the opposite of the administration’s intent. If a bill in Congress would do what needs to be done, “House (or Senate) Bill # —” would suffice .

  384. Nik Says:

    The “No Teacher Left Motivated” Bill

  385. Lou Says:

    How about “The when in doubt choose ‘C’ act”

  386. Rob Leduc Says:

    How about the EPPE Act – Expel Poor Performers Early. Worked in Texas.

  387. Jim Diana Says:

    How about the Human Capital Investment Act of 2009?

    (I’ve been reading Heckman’s Inequality in America . . .)

  388. mcaputo Says:

    Putting America’s Children Back On Track (PACBOT)

  389. Mark Says:

    All Children Left Behind

    Lets just say it like it was under the Idiot.

  390. Meredith Says:

    I’ve long referred to it as -

    No Child Left Ahead

    If we can just teach all students to one standard, we can get rid of all that horrible exceptionalism out there!

  391. Andrew Says:

    “Don’t Misunderestimate Our Children Act”

  392. ML Says:

    Most Children Left Behind Act

  393. Jim C. Says:

    Redefining the Three “Rs”: The Rote, Repetition, and Regurgitation Act

  394. Eileen Brosnahan Says:

    “Teaching to the Lowest Common Denominator Act”

  395. big sg Says:

    America’s National Academic Legislation

  396. Leland Witter Says:

    On Bettering America’s Minds Act (OBAMA)

  397. Mark Sullivan Says:

    No Child Left in an Art or Music Class Act

  398. Eileen Dorn Says:

    No Child Left Untested

    or perhaps

    No Child Left A Child (free to run, and play and have recess…..)

  399. khiasmos Says:

    Decree by us Omniscient Adults to reinvent childhood – or simply the BOA (constrictor) act – how many of you preferred listening to the drone of a math teacher when you were ten years old?

  400. Priscilla Gutierrez Says:

    How about, “Learn From Our Mistakes Act.” If spell it out in print, maybe Arne Duncan and the DOE won’t make the same sophomoric mistakes that have plagued NCLB.

    If that doesn’t grab ya, how about “Teach the Way Students Learn Act?” If teaching is not based on how students actually learn, all we’ll ever get to do is cover the material.

  401. khiasmos Says:

    Excuse me: Bill handed down by us Omniscient Adults to reinvent childhood – or simply the BOA (constrictor) act – how many of you preferred the drone of a math teacher when you were ten years old?

  402. Jesse B Says:

    Since I am a public high school teacher let me give this a whirl :
    “The Guaranteed Employment For Nameless Faceless Bureaucrats Who Are Getting Money That Should Be Going To Our Kids in Our Classrooms” Bill . Or how about this? ” The Get Off Our Backs And Let Us Teach” Bill.

  403. Mrs. H. Says:

    How about “The You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me Act”

  404. Michelle Says:

    “All Independent Thought Left Behind” Act

    due to the fact that this law’s main goal seems to be adding more standardized testing and less education to our nation’s schools. We need money for truly innovative ideas, like the Denver school district’s experiment with ditching grade levels in favor of letting kids progress according to their ability and mastery of subjects. When I was teaching, I was regularly given memos that read, “Teach to the Test”. I met teachers who didn’t care that their fifth graders couldn’t read; they taught fifth grade material and let the kids fail. We need larger facilities with more teachers, and less students per class. We need to integrate school children with real-life and not institutionalize them away from the world, otherwise, they graduate unable to function as productive citizens…

  405. dzukor Says:

    Lowest Common Denominator Act
    Preparing Kids for Yesterday Act
    Thanks to Ted McCain at http://tinyurl.com/cotuo5 for
    Highly Educated Useless People Act

  406. Ellen Rennard Says:

    How about:
    Why Do Government Officials Send Their Children to Private Schools? Think. Act.

  407. Another Teacher Says:

    All Children Are Simply Entitled To Pass Everything So That We Don’t Hurt Their Self-Esteem Act

  408. FCS Teacher Says:

    The concept behind NCLB is to raise the United State’s standing in global math and science rankings. That’s it, we’re just falling beind in the “mine is larger than yours” race. However, that’s where the falacy begins. The countries that best us all have tracking throughout their educational systems. And I’m not just talking about A, B and/or C classes, I’m talking about MAJOR TRACKING, where students need to take periodic entrance exams to qualify for tracked schools. If you don’t pass the exams with a high enough grade, you don’t get into the academically tracked school, it’s on to vocational school with you. So, who are we comparing ourselves to? We’re comparing OUR ENTIRE SCHOOL POPULACE (from special ed, ELL, on up) with their most elite students (the only ones who actually take their exams). I’ll wager my entire career that if put on equal footing, our top 10% would cream their top 10% anyday! In other words, theres nothing wrong with our educational system, let’s just start comparing apples with apples.

    That being said, let’s call the new educational act:

    Scientifically Proven Educational Principles Applied By REAL Educators While Allowing Students to Succeed to their Individualized Maximum Ability Levels with Full Federal Funding (SPEPABREWASSIMAL3F)

    Hey, if we’re going to dream, we might as well dream big!

  409. Dan M Says:

    How bout the People are Gonna be Pissed when Change doesn’t Come act.

    But more seriously the Educational Standards Act (ESA) would probably better off.

  410. Michael Says:

    No Child Left Alone

  411. David B. Says:

    How about naming it after the result, All Children Left Behind.

  412. Philip Carlson Says:

    Since everyone needs to criticize the Act, and there’s very little, uh, charitable feeling toward it, the new name sums up what everyone seems to be feel.

  413. Philip Carlson Says:

    I left off the name: – No Chide Felt Benign

  414. David B. Says:

    Oops, Mark beat me to it at 4:55 pm. I vote for his title.

  415. Jeff Larsen Says:


  416. Scott H. Says:

    How about: The Real American Education Act: Get Off Your Ass And Learn, AKA, Swim or Sink (you will be doing one or the other anyway, whether you realize it or not).

  417. Colin Orr Says:

    How about the: It’s All Right, It’s OK, They’ll Be Working For Us Some Day Act. (IARIOTBWFUSDA for short)

  418. Susan HB Says:

    Eternal optimist that I am…

    “Reclaiming Our Public Schools Act.” It would remove unfunded Federal mandates and put the power back where it belongs: with local communities and citizens engaging in dialogue about what student success should realisticallly look like in the 21st century and why it matters to our democracy and their hometown.

  419. Joe Nutter Says:

    No Children Catching Up

  420. Tired of Act Says:

    How about, “Rote Math and Paragraph Summary Act (RuMPuS)”, since poorly-performing schools drop everything (science, PE, music, art) to focus only on math and reading TAKS-taking skills.

    Or, how about, the “No Child Left Behind Because We Can Skew the Test to Pass Everybody” Act, because that is pretty much what’s happening in states like Texas.

    For those not aware, that’s what George Bush did in Texas. The so-called “Texas Miracle” is what got him running and winning the White House, even though the huge boost in student achievement was based on making the state testing MUCH EASIER.

  421. Kathleen in Texas Says:

    Ever since the law was passed, my husband and I have called it
    No Child Gets Ahead
    because if any child gets ahead, the rest are, by definition, left behind. Unfortunately, that is exactly what happened in Texas. It’s a catastrophe here, folks, not a miracle!

    Now, how can we get that carpetbagger outta Dallas, outta Texas, and all the way back north, the hell away from here?

  422. Laura Reitz Says:

    I’ve always thought of it as the Every Child Held Back act.

  423. James Taggert Says:

    We Are all Rocket Scientists (WARS) or History and Economics: Who Needs That Crap? (HEWNTC) or Lowest Common Denominator (LCD) or People Loving All – Science My Ass (PLASMA) or Invert and Multiply That Fraction After 12 Years (IMTFAY) or …

  424. Tim Daily Says:

    If a renaming is all that is to happen, call it:

    No Educated Children Left.

  425. Jim Says:

    All Timebombs Left Behind
    Test Now, Teach Later

  426. d.e. Says:

    No Child Allowed to Get Ahead Act

    Handicapper General Act

  427. Ann B. Says:

    I think we should rename the law with the following initials:

    PAIN standing for Passing Assessments Indicates Nothing.
    Pain for teachers and real pain for kids who are tested ad nauseum….
    Really……or else DBA Death By Assessment

  428. John Fridrich Says:

    In honor of Ex-President G.W. Bush, willing to let history judge his presidency, I propose:

    No Crony Left Behind

  429. bta Says:

    The Trail of Breadcrumbs Act? Somehow that Light in the Forest thing has me thinking of Hansel, Gretel, and an oven.

    Or… No Test Left Behind.

  430. Kate Says:

    Did anyone offer this yet…..?
    No Teacher Left Standing

  431. Breena Welker Jenson Says:

    All inspired by Bush…

    The “more literate [and] hopefuller country” Act (January 2001)

    The “Is our Children Learning” Act

    The “teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test” Act

  432. Jim Says:

    bta reminds me

    The Trail of Tears Test

  433. Tim Daily Says:

    A couple more, for those who like acronyms:

    WIA — Workforce Indoctrination Act

    Self Esteem/Social Promotion/Outcome Over Learning Act, or

    SESPOOL Act.

  434. ellen Says:

    How about this one:

    The Blame Teachers For Everything That Goes Wrong Act”

  435. Jim Says:

    The Weapon of Missed Instruction Test

  436. Jo Says:

    How about the Flatten All Bell Curves Act (FABCA). Then everyone will achieve mediocrity!

  437. Kate Says:

    President Obama? Are you listening? There’s a lot of good stuff here. I teach in a high school that is on the ‘list’. We have experts now who have been hired to come into our district to tell us how to teach. We are constantly being observed and told how to be more effective by these ‘experts’ who have never EVER been in a classroom!!!!

    All that money would have been better spent in the classrooms. If somebody…anybody….would just listen to us teachers, we could tell them how to more productively spend that money!!!

  438. Asher Says:

    AWESOME: ‘Accountability Without Enough Support Offers Mediocre Education’

  439. Tested Says:

    No No.2 Pencils Left Behind,


    America for Straight A’s for All
    — part of the Grades Redistribution and Recovery (GRR) Act.

  440. Marissa Hauptman Says:

    Yes We Can Educate Act

  441. Jim Says:

    Testers Without Borders Act

    [i reeeeelly wanna win de book]

  442. Allison Says:

    How about the Teach the Children Music, Art and Phys. Ed Again Act?

  443. Marissa Hauptman Says:

    the Hope Act

    Higher Opportunities in Public Education Act

  444. T.C. Says:

    No Child Held Accountable

  445. Susan in WA Says:

    In honor of the Bush administration’s plan to do away with public education, call it the No Child Left In Schools act, or maybe No Public Schools Left. That’s for the original plan.

    If the new one is an improvement, and how could it not be, it could have a nice name. If it is actually funded, it could have a nice, accurate name. That would be an improvement

  446. Tester Says:

    ACT for Superior Students (ASS)

    Law for Advancing Mathematics and English (LAME)

    Helping America’s Superior Students Learn Everything (HASSLE)

    Justifying Uniformly Substandard Teaching By Enforcing ACTS Universally Thought Idiotic, Fanciful, Unproductive, and Legalistic (JUST BEAUTIFUL)

    Hapless Educrats Leaking Pedagogically Misinformed Epistemology and Negating Our Wondrous and Massively Advanced Methods ACT (HELP ME NOW, MAMA)

    Helping America’s Individual Learners Conquer Higher Intellectual Needs ACT (HAIL CHINA)*

    Designing Routinely Improved Newfangled Keynesian Theories and Helping Education Keep Our Obtuse Lawmakers Always Imbibing Drinks and Making ACTS Counterproductively (DRINK THE KOOL-AID, MAC!)

    Wise Educational Researchers Eventually Growing Onanistic with Never-Needed Assessments and Strangling Teachers Attempting Rudimentary or Visionary Education, Making Action Necessary!



    Wise Educational Researchers Eventually Growing Onanistic with Never-Needed Assessments and Strangling Teachers’ Attempts at Rudimentary or Visionary Education and Deniably Uglifying Decent Education


    *I don’t offer this as a slight against China or anyone of Asian extraction. Rather, I suggest it as a respectful tip of the hat to China’s rapidly improving educational system.

    **Alarmist? Depends on who you ask.

  447. Jim Says:

    Test me – I’m Polish!

  448. Jim Says:

    Every Child on Fast Forward

  449. Richard H Says:

    Name it
    (Children should Know better act)..or
    (Yes We Can Act) or (My child not yours act) or (Bless the children act)
    or ( I want an education too act) or (our future act) or ( Learn from our mistakes act) or the best for last ( Remember who is going to take care of you when your older act)……

  450. Jim Says:


  451. Cassandra Says:

    The All Children Must Read by the End of Kindergarten and Learn to Hate Reading Act

  452. Melissa Kay Says:

    WTR-We’re trying. Really!

    Look!This is us doing something.

  453. Cynthia Says:

    Don’t Look At Us Act

  454. Cynthia Says:

    I’ll Sue You Act

  455. Nancy MacLeod Says:

    No Teacher Left to Teach Act

  456. K Bachman Says:


    We can’t help all to the highest level, but we can help each to their own best potential, in a reasonable manner. but not at all costs.

  457. Frank Dundee Says:

    Making American Children As Smart As The New Immigrant-Kid From Vietnam Act

  458. Ariel Zeitlin Cooke Says:

    How about No Teacher Left Unpunished?

  459. GMU Says:

    What, no multiple choice? Are we supposed to come a name by ourselves?

  460. Mattski Says:

    Got it! Here ya go:

    The ‘Kill All Desire For Genuine Learning While Prepping Kids For the Last Good Job–(Whoops) Just Shipped to Mexico–Act’.

    They used to make schools like factories and prep kids for the drudgery that awaited in them; today it’ll be about insuring they grow up unwitting enough not to revolt–or will it insure that? I’m not so sure. Humans aren’t really cut out for such horseshit, whatever you call it.

    P.S. Is K. Bachman a f’real person, or someone’s hologram of the perfect. . . person to administer the program?

  461. Weelzup Says:

    Lipstick on a Pig Act

  462. Jim Says:

    The Fill Those Bubbles Test

  463. James Walsh Says:

    How about the truth? Lets call it the Slave Obediance Training Act.

  464. GMU Says:


    Help Our Kids Put Food On Their Families

  465. Rich in PA Says:

    TARP: Troubled Adolescents Recovery Program

    FPERA: For-Profit Education Relief Act

    The Four Modernizations (in honor of our new Chinese overlords)

    Omnibus Brain Improvement Act (as amended)

  466. TEXAS BUBBA Says:

    No Child’s Behind is Left. My wife is a high school teacher and says the whole thing sucks and should be ditched!!!

  467. Jim Says:

    Testing…..1, 2, 3….Testing 1, 2, 3….Testing…anyone?

    Do we get points for effort?

  468. Jim Says:

    Fill Every Matching Answer (FEMA) Test

  469. Maia Ajanaku-Locke Says:


    When children are taught their correct social heritage they will become learners in their own right. Children who don’t know who they are in essence, don’t know the origin of their species and don’t know the history of their evolution as natural gathers of information, knowledge and understanding, they become sponges and memory victims instead of conscious, passionate participants in the learning process. The correct answer to the WHO AM I IN ESSENCE question should lay the foundation of education in America and, in the world. There is no real value in mastering numbers, words or colors if you can’t count yourself correctly, not by skin, gender or social data but in essence.

  470. DR Says:

    Student High Intensity Test for All Children Educated

    You work out the acronym.

  471. Dave Says:

    The “George Bush screwed the Children Act”
    The “Underfunded Mandate Act”
    The “Let’s Assume Our Teachers Are Morons Who Can’t Teach Children So We’ll Make Them Teach to Tests Act”

  472. rene Says:

    How about just the “Big Brother Act.” Most of W’s descriptions fit, but the idea of programming young minds to take these tests is one of the better examples.

  473. oblivious260 Says:

    Hmmm how about TEA-BAG?



  474. Jim Says:

    The Unknown Unknowns Test

  475. platypus Says:


    Unfunded Schools Act

  476. Jim Says:

    The Mission Accomplished Sh*t Test

  477. Jim Says:

    The Bridge To Nowhere Test

  478. Patricia08 Says:

    No Public School Left Standing.

    I’ve called it that for years.

  479. Anonymous Says:

    Dude, where’s my child?

  480. Chuffy Says:

    The Fast-Track To American Idiocracy Program

    The Math Is Hard Barbie Program For Kids

    Science Schmience Program For The Biblically Illiterate

  481. Arthur Says:

    Let’s call it

    The Unfunded Man-Date for Teaching Exsolunce

  482. Abe Stalin Says:

    We Don’t Need No Education

  483. Betty Bettering Says:

    There’s an entry above from one Leland Witter at February 23rd, 2009 at 5:06 pm, suggesting:

    On Bettering America’s Minds Act (OBAMA)


    I believe that he must have meant to suggest:

    On Battering America’s Minds Act (OBAMA)


  484. Turnkey Says:

    The Michael Jackson Act

    (because we all know what he does to kids.)

  485. Coltergeist Says:

    The Neil Bush Full Employment Act. (NBFEA)


    All Schools Fail in Five Years. (ASFFY)

  486. justin Says:

    The Privatization of Education by Defunding All Schools Act (PEDASA)

  487. J Mark Says:

    I really like this one from Ella:
    Equal Opportunity Education EOE
    Depending on who you are, there’s a lot of baggage here, but this appellation says it all: whatever a kid needs, he or she gets. Shouldn’t that be the goal of our education system?

  488. angelina Says:

    Pull as Much Funding as we Can Act, Take huge amounts of time from the school year to teach test taking instead of real curriculum, Gut Urban Schools Act, Fund Fundamentalist Schools Act, Enrich Private Crony Corporations that run Charter Schools Act, Devalue Education Act

  489. Susan Walker Says:

    No Child Left Behind Because They’re ALL Stuck in the Starting Gate

  490. Bubba Says:

    Teachers Union Destruction Act

    Charter School Stimulus Act

  491. hallie Says:

    The Let’s Pretend You’re Getting an Education Act.

    Because, face it. 100 years ago, kids knew more by 8th grade graduation than you will with a Bachelor’s. We made it easy for you so you wouldn’t fail. Quit whining, you lazy sots.

  492. Vince Says:

    No Money, But High Expectations (NMBHE)
    Politicians Feeling Better and Fixing Nothing (PFBFN)
    Critical-Thinking Aborted for Politicians (CRAP)

    Or, for truth in advetising…
    Stupid Tests so Children Can’t No Longer Think Themselves Out of a Paper Bag (STCCNLTTOPB)

    Unless the Federal Government suddenly has money to permanently fund any law, they should just kill this stupid thing. It doesn’t work. As is, the teachers spend 1/4 of the year teaching to a test that will do them no good in life. So with that in mind, here’s my last suggestion…

    Legislated Attempt to Modernize Education (LAME)

  493. ER Says:

    the “Failed Policy that Still Somehow Limps Along Like a Zombie Act” (FPSSLZA or effpusslizza, catchy, no?)

  494. Sandra Says:

    No Child Allowed Ahead Act.

    Child Incarceration Act.

  495. Andrea Rojas Says:

    As a teacher of the gifted, I often wonder why we can’t spend money on the kids who are going to make a positive difference if supported properly.

    How about “No Child left behind, but waste no time, money or energy on those that are ahead”

  496. Dave Says:

    Every Child’s A Special Snowflake Act

    Or, how’s about Setting Our Expectations Low So Everyone Can Meet Them Act?

    Or, how’s this for a radical idea?

    We Screwed Up, Sorry, This Thing Is Going The Way of the Dodo Act?

  497. Dead Reckoning Says:

    “Let Them Eat Peanut Butter Act of 2009″

  498. Tim Says:

    The Act for Kids Who Can’t Read Good and Want to Learn to do Other Things Good, Too.

  499. Theresa Says:

    The Rote Standardization of All Offspring Act

    The Stick a Fork In It Act

  500. HR Says:

    Children Are Just A Test Score Act

  501. randron Says:

    G.W. Bush Memorial “My Pet Goat” Act

  502. Prashanth Says:

    Leave the Left’s Children Behind

  503. dave Says:

    How about the “No Child Gets A Chance” act?

    The impact of this law has always been to drag the classroom down to the lowest common denominator. Classroom teachers, who generally have the best of intentions, end up teaching to the lowest segment the population’s capability. Students of average or above average ability are penalized instead of rewarded, and then we wonder why our graduates can’t compete on the global market.

  504. GrandestR Says:

    The It-Won’t Matter-Anyway-If-The-Parents-Don’t-Take-A-Seriously-Participatory-Role-And-Stop-Chucking-Their-At-Home-Responsibility Act

  505. hank 13 Says:

    Is our children learning act

  506. JC in Oregon Says:

    Another couple:

    “Sorry We Screwed Up The Planet, Good Luck With All That” Act

    “Wait A Minute, You’re Going To Take Care Of Us In Our Old Age, OMG What Have We Done!” Act

  507. ST Says:

    The Next Educational Solution That Won’t Work Either Act. NESTWWE, since we always seem to wee in our nest in education.

    After 40 years in education I just groan at the top down solutions that are developed by people many of whom have spent little or no time in classrooms, working with students, parents, and a rigid system. Every new administration that I worked under had a whole new way to administer education that usually interferred with learning.

  508. ryan Says:

    I suggest the Act for Kids Who Can’t Read Good and Want to do Other Things Good Too Act

    (or, for those of you who like something simpler: AKWCRGWOTGTA)

  509. Study Says:

    How about:

    Mind Bender education act

    Society re-education act

    room 101 is just around the corner in you don’t study act

    George Carlin act

    Give a child a chance and maybe they will do it better then we did act

  510. FARfetched Says:

    IATA: Immediately Abolish This Act

  511. Tom Derby Says:

    The No Child Left Bright Act.

    The Third Graders Fear of Pointless Test Act.

  512. Jerry Tobias Says:

    But seriously, the object ought to be to teach our kids all the things that they’ll need during their next 70 or 80 years of life. Mostly, they need to know how to think critically. But they also need to know how to write and read and how to do arithmetic. Critical thinking is a long-term learning process. The other stuff just requires lots and lots and lots of practice.

    So let’s call it the No Child Left Uneducated Act and then let’s make sure that we leave no child uneducated.

  513. randall youngblood Says:

    How about,”Let no child feel like a behind, unless he/she behaves like one.”

  514. Jim Says:

    I want someone to say something nice about one of my entries because if I don’t get constant praise and approval and high grades regardless of the crap I (re)produce, how am I supposed to excel and feel good about myself?

  515. WRH Says:

    “No Child Left a Mind”.

  516. Dan Leopold Says:

    Over the past two years, I have come to refer to the NCLB act as the
    NO TEST LEFT BEHIND – because its just about test after test without any consideration for strengthening the weaknesses assessed in any one test, before the next test is given.

  517. Lou Says:

    No Need For Old Chevy Mechanics Act

  518. Robert Austin Says:

    The End of Compulsory Education Act.

  519. Denzeur Says:

    This is just getting damn tiresome. Let’s try this:


    Perhaps this act could be cleaner than the ones that preceded it.

  520. Art Says:

    Several come to mind:

    The College Dean of Admissions Suicide Contemplation Act

    The Remedial Education Departmental Full Employment Act of 2009

    The Standardized Choose One 25% Solution Act

    The Vincent “Vinnie” Barbarino Mental Dexterity & Social Promotion Act
    (The ” ‘What? Where?’ Act” for short)

  521. Bill Says:

    If the substance of the law stays the same, the name should become

    No BS Left Behind.

    If I understand correctly, a part of the law requires schools to have a percentage of “highly qualified” teachers. This sounds sensible but that the definitions of HQ varies from “been there forever” to “forced to jump through a never-ending series of hoops.” I would think that a lot of people who are truly highly qualified wouldn’t go near a K-12 school system.

  522. Rick Says:

    Now American Kids Must Learn To Do Fractions Act.

  523. Rick Says:

    “Catching up with the Chinese and Indian Kids” Act.

  524. Rick Says:

    “Learn Pre-calc in High School” Act

  525. Rick Says:

    “Spend less time on myspace” Act

  526. Rick Says:

    “Stop working in McDonald’s” Act

  527. Lynn P Says:

    America CIA Act – America Covers Its A– Act

  528. hall monitor Says:

    The “Close Only Counts in Hand Grenades and Educating Our Youth” Act

  529. Dave Comstock Says:

    No Child Would Be Left Behind If We Actually Funded This Mandate Act

  530. Chris Says:

    Is Our Children Learnin’ Act.

  531. Lou Says:

    The You Are Going To Live To Be 100 And You’re “Friends” Won’t Even Know You In Three Years Act

  532. Sharon B Says:


  533. Max Black Says:

    No Child’s Behind Left (h/t to Greg Palast). This entire package of legislation is a disaster, a hateful and all-too-direct attack on our children. It doesn’t need to be renamed, it needs to be thrown in the trash.

  534. Michael Wensleydale Says:

    NNDA: Ningún Niño Dejó Atrás

  535. Debbie F. Says:

    Excellence for All

  536. Judith Says:

    Bail Out The Bottom (1/4th) Act

  537. Stephen Blum Says:

    Voucher Set Up Act
    This was the real agenda from day one.

  538. zerorest Says:

    How about the somebody threw away a perfectly good teacher act?

  539. jack fate Says:

    If we’re gonna re-brand it, lets just label it honestly: The Fuck Learning and Take the Goddamn Test Because Your School’s Funding Depends On It Act.

  540. Nancy Says:

    Got Dreams? Get Educated Act

    Education Can Make Dreams Come True Act

    Education Lasts a Lifetime Act

  541. Lee Says:

    The I Don’t Know How To Think But I Can Punch Buttons On A Calculator Act.

    The Who Cares About Being Qualified, I’m Certified To Teach Act.

    The My Kid Can’t Read, Can’t Write, And Can’t Do Math But He Sure Can Make A Nice Collage Or Power Point Presentation Act.

    The Let’s Pretend We’re Fixing Education By Throwing More Money At It Act.

  542. Sibyl Kellman Says:

    How about:

    Teachers and Children Working Together Act (TCWTA) or

    Teachers and Children in Cooperation Act (TCCA)

  543. Scooter Pie Patchwork Says:

    How about S.T.A.B.: Smarter Than the Average Bear

  544. Peter Mazarin Says:

    The No Child Left Educated Act of 2010

  545. Michael B. Hoffman Says:

    I know it’s not original and it’s probably already been submitted, but I’m sure Drake Sather & Ben Stiller wouldn’t mind too much…
    “The Derek Zoolander Act For Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too”

  546. Nancy Says:

    No Corporation Left Behind–that’s where all of the money went.

  547. Loosey Goosey Says:

    The Pretend No Children Fell Behind to Preserve Your Funding Act


  548. The Growler Says:

    No Child’s Behind Left

  549. the guy Says:

    The Scantron Bubbler Act.

  550. Jeanne Lavieri Says:

    Wet Blanket on Love of Learning Act

  551. Teacher Ethan Says:

    How about keeping politics out of education? Give educators the power keep the hell out of our classrooms Washington. Giving a new name to something without changing anything is pathetic.

  552. Doug Mishler Says:

    How ’bout what it is: EDUCATIONAL EUGENICS Act

  553. mrboma Says:

    LUMPIA: Large Unfunded Mandates to Produce the Illusion of Accountability.

    Remedial English Testing And Reading Development System

  554. Brian Says:

    The Closing Failing Schools Instead of Failing Banks Act

  555. Janine W. Says:

    Just love these responses!

    how about;
    Testing Every Month, Learning Absolutely Nothing Act

    Eventually No Child Wins Act


    With the current NCLB, it’s said after so many years of no AYP, restructuring, etc, the school will remove it’s current staff – but hey, what if half of the Teachers/Admin/Resource staff have only been there half/quarter of that time?
    And suppose the demographic changes quarterly due to new, transitory, ELL students – the ones with the ‘parents’ who not only don’t speak a word of, but can’t understand, English unless to get on the dole. And in their native country, kids haven’t been to school for the past year cause it wasn’t important there?
    So the result is ‘toss out the baby with the bath water’???

    Wow, and anyone wonders why the country is in ruins??

  556. orisharachel Says:

    The No White, Middle-Class Suburban Kid Left Behind But We Are Going To Make Districts Spend Millions of Dollars on Glossy Research-Based Programs That Don’t Really Work To Make It Look Like We’re Not Leaving Inner-City and Rez’ Kids Behind Act


    The We Don’t Respect Teachers Act

    (Did you guess that I am a teacher?)

  557. Leslie Says:

    If we actually want Republicans to vote for it, we’ll have to appeal to their favorite subjects:

    The FLAG PIN Act: “The Federal Learning Among (our) Global Peers INvestment Act”

    The MORE GUNS Act: The “Making Obtainable Real Educational Goals Under National Standardization” Act

    The School PRAYER Act: The “School Provides Real Americans Yearly Educational Rewards” Act

  558. Eugene Hazanov Says:

    Every Child Is In Front Act

  559. Brent Says:

    Reading Educating Testing And Revision Decree –

    Otherwise known as R.E.T.A.R.D.

  560. Eugene Hazanov Says:

    Right the Wrong Act Act

  561. Eugene Hazanov Says:

    You Put Your Right Child In, You Put Your Wrong Prez Out, You Put Your Left Child In, And You Shake It All About Act

  562. F.Baube Says:

    The I Graduated From College With A Houseworth Of Debt And All I Got Was This Crappy Braindead Service Job Thats Why I Vote For Demagogues Act

  563. S Manning Says:

    The, “They Learned Me Real Good at Skule Akt’

  564. E. Rosen Says:

    Teach the Children Well

  565. Floyd Says:

    Leave No Hot Teachers’ Behind Act

    Why Can’t They Just Get A Long Division Act? (Rodney, where are ya when we need ya?)

    A Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Waste, But Billions Is A Hecka Lot Worse To Waste Act

    This Is Your Brain On Standardized Tests, Any Questions? Act

    Teachers Are People, Too! Act

    Creation of Prison-Based Education For Those Left Behind Act

    See Spot Run, See Budget Run Away Act

    Twelve-Step Education Reform Act (because fixing a problem first requires that you admit there’s a problem)

    Bush Was Left Behind, You Can Be, Too! Act

    Act Now Or Your Kids Be Stoopid Act

    Potatos or Potatoes, Does It Really Matter Act?

  566. Lisa Says:

    Keep the acronym, yet change the wording:

    NCLB: No Corporation Left Behind

    After all, when all is said and done, that’s what it’s really about-more corporate involvement in schools.

    Thank you Milton Friedman!

  567. J Hutchins Says:

    No Child Left Behind, Just Drag Them Along

  568. Tim Says:

    Now Child, Learn the Basics (NCLB)

    Readin’, wRitin’, aRithmatic…..pick one.

  569. Magnifico Giganticus Says:

    Derek Zoolander Act For Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Things Good Too Act

  570. real Says:

    Military recruiting gullible in school and lower the standards for funds act

  571. Kevin Says:

    The “cut all gifted programs and teach to the lowest common denominator” act.


    The “continued dumbing down of our schools” act.


    The “educating is hard, let’s just teach them how to take a multiple choice test” act.

  572. Joe Says:

    I like “Our Childrens Do Learn but lets Learn Them Even Better Act”…Inspired by our very quotable 42nd president.

  573. Mike Says:


    The Little Obama Academic Achievers (LOAA) We’ll be able to fund it entirely through t-shit sales.

  574. Tommy Says:

    Confuse Motion with Action Act.
    Struggle FOR Mediocrity Act

  575. Steven in CO Says:

    Educate And Test (EAT) Our Children Act

  576. Tim K in CNY Says:

    Narrow-minded Claptrap Liquifies Brains

  577. David Says:

    The Lake Wobegon All Above Average Education Act

  578. Jaxon H In Colo Says:

    Expectation that we all learn the same which is ridiculous Act or

    Trying to make our education-for-all system meet the standards of countries who don’t educate all act

  579. Sagra Says:

    The All In All You’re Just Another Brick In the Wall Act.

  580. Krasdale Says:

    Student’s Higher Information Tests

  581. Suki Says:

    The “Education Schmeducation” Act

  582. Jeff F Says:

    Maybe what our parents and grandparents had when they were in school?

    STOP complaining, Quit looking for a HANDOUT, and get to WORK. Works for all ages k-adult.

  583. Gary Earl Ross Says:

    Standardized Test Compensation Quotient (STATIC QUO)

    No Test Left Unpurchased Act

    Getting Close Enough to Breathe the Fumes of European Education Act

    In the Wake of European Active Knowledge (WEAK)

    Every American Moving Forward (This involves expanding NCLB to include general knowledge questions that MUST be answered before ANYONE can access Grand Theft Auto, Jerry Springer, internet porn, Kansas School Boards, or anything else that keeps us in the intellectual toilet. If you think the dates of the Revolutionary War are 1883-1892 or that Shakespeare was the king of England or that Rosa Parks was Martin Luther King’s grandmother, you haven’t earned game access, Swedish threesomes, or toothless love triangles.)

    Speeding the Normalization of American Instruction and Learning while Mandating American Ignorance Lasts (SNAILMAIL)

  584. Phil T Says:

    No Child’s Left Behind or Right Behind Left Behind

  585. Rob Says:

    It’s never been about the children per se, it’s always been about holding school districts accountable for establishing a curriculum that covers the necessary topics and making certain the students get through that curriculum. As everyone is well aware, that focus runs straight into other factors that impact the classroom environment.

    so, it’s really the School District Accountability Act or the Curriculum Competion Act

  586. Angela Says:

    KEWT (pronounced cute)
    Kill Education With high stakes Testing

  587. John Says:

    I think they already renamed it… TARP

  588. John Says:

    Fixing Up Crappy Kids’ Schools


    Or, maybe something like “Amy’s Law” since those always sound so nice.

  589. Charlotte Hummel Says:

    The Catch-22 Act. Everyone must achieve the same standards but with vastly inequitable resources.
    How about the Educational Apartheid Reinforcement Act.

  590. Kathy van Houwelingen Says:

    Teachers in my school district have always called this the
    NO CHILD LEFT act.

  591. Phil T Says:

    The “No Child Left Behind Because One May Someday Get Elected President Train-wrecking The World Economy Destabilizing The Security Of The Entire Globe And For Good Measure Suck The Life And Joy Of Learning Out Of Every Classroom In The United States” Act.

  592. djaymick Says:

    “Rebranding” is used to sell the same thing under a different name. I found it funny that the Democrats blasted this program, especially since it was co-authored by Ted Kennedy and George Miller. If people look at education funding during the last Administration, they will be shocked to find out that it increased over 20%. Did this achieve anything?

    With EFCA looming in the horizon, the unions will be targeting two employers off the bat – McDonalds and Wal-Mart. If this passes, these jobs will provide living wages, full insurance and a pension. Students will then make the following career decisions – go to college or work at McDonalds/Wal-Mart. For the people who choose the latter, school will be optional. Students will wait until they turn 18 and then have a guaranteed job.

    So in light of this, we should call the new program Day Care for Teenagers. If these students that choose to do poor in school actually attend, they will create havoc on other students who seek to go to college. The schools will be forced to segregate the good students from the bad. The bad students will basically sit around and do nothing (sounds like the job bank at the Big Three).

  593. bkenner Says:

    “No Standard Too Low Act”

  594. Lamar Says:

    In my view, “Doing The Right Thing”s following entry with the time stamp “February 23rd, 2009 at 4:14 pm” is the cleverest among all entries thus far:

    “Every Left-Behind Child’s Left Behind Righted” Act

  595. evan500 Says:

    The Dog Ate My Plan to Save the Schools Act

  596. Gwendoline Y. Fortune Says:

    Children of the nation unite. You have only your parents’ ignorance to lose.

  597. Bill Chambers Says:

    “Every Child Must Run a 9.9 100 Meters Act”
    or “Every Child Must be in the Top 10% Act”
    or the “Make Most Children Feel Like they are looking for Change for a Penny Act” or
    The “Show No MERCY to Childrens ACT” Better known as the “Shame Most Children Act”
    I really like the “Shame on Congress Act (SCA)”

    “Sock It To All Children Act”

    The “CPA” (Child Persecution Act)

  598. Tony Shivers Says:

    The name for the reauthorized law will be Future of Our Children in Underachieving Schools Act (FOCUS)

  599. TeacherMan Says:

    The “My County Spent Obscene Amounts of Money so Every Child Could Have a Laptop and Yet the Students Continue to Refuse to do Any Work at Home, so No Matter How Many Different Ways I Review Content and Try to Develop Interest in School, Until the Parents Help Change the Atmosphere at Home the County Bought Really Nice Paper Weights That Double as an iTunes Machine” Act

  600. Adam Thibault Says:

    Raise the Bar Act (RABA)

  601. Louthea Says:

    The One Size Fits Every Behind Act

  602. Paul Dunham Says:

    What it should be:

    Opportunities for Academic Excellence Act

    What best describes it now, and likely in the near future, given the pervasive ideology of the educationists in charge:

    Intellectual Homogenization Act
    Mandatory Mediocrity Act

  603. Julie Woestehoff Says:

    In January 2008, PURE proposed “Equally Excellent Schools for Every Child” (we could call it E3).


    Now, for the law’s philosophy. I think we can do better than Bush’s “getting the biggest bang for the buck,” especially since many of the programs NCLB pushed under that philosophy didn’t work anyway. So, how about “The purpose of E3 is to assure that every child in the United States has access to a free, high-quality, effective education in their own neighborhood.”

  604. Buck Says:

    Why can’t we just scrap it and turn it into the Leave Stupid Children Behind Act?

  605. David Brown Says:

    It seems unlikely to me that any of the more creative entries will be adopted, so I opt for “The American Children’s Educational Act of 2009.” ACE Only if we’re really fortunate will it be instituted in 2009. It’s probably several years down the road.

  606. Ari Says:

    The Punish the Schools that Need the Help Act
    The No Child Helped Ahead Act
    The No Child is Behind When All Are Doing Poorly Act

  607. tsquared Says:

    We just started testing in my school today so I was inspired.

    DANG IT!

  608. WPski Says:

    Since we have adopted the notion that learning should require absolutely no effort at all from the student , lets call it SWEL (Students, Without Effort, Learn).

    But, if we come to our senses and remember that learning anything useful requires work from the student, we could call it LOYO (Learn Or You’re Out of here).

    My last try: LUMP (Lazy and Undisciplined Money Pit)

  609. WPski Says:

    Oops – one more

    HMA (Hire More school Administrators)

  610. Lincoln-ME Says:

    Let’s call it what it really is: The Underfunded Unrealistic Educational Expectations Permitting Wealthy White Parents to Move Children As If Congress Approved a Voucher System and Leaving Poor Minority Children Behind in Substandard Schools Act.

  611. Erica Says:

    No child ahead, no child behind. Punish all children equally.

  612. Liv68 Says:

    The Let’s Stop Pretending We Know What We’re Doing act…Though it’s true, it falls so short of other great ideas above.

  613. J Thomas Says:

    The “Is Our Children Learning?” Act

    The So Many Tests There’s No Time Left to Teach Act

    Standardization Undermines Creativity and Kills Education Reform (SUCKER) ACT.

    The “Hey, Maybe We Can Shine S**t!” Act

    The My Friends in the Standardized Testing Industry Really Appreciate our Patronage Act.

    The Laughing All Way to the Bank Act

  614. David Chicoine Says:

    Teach to the Test or Else Act

  615. Ari Says:

    The Real Solutions Were Going to Cost Too Much Money Act

  616. Lily Says:

    How about
    The No Matter What We Call it, it Still Doesn’t Work Act

    Because the reality is we can re-name it all we want but what we are focusing on right now is a name and not the problem. We should be writing this to our Congress members not to a blog contest.

    Or the

    Never Let a Child Achieve Act

  617. Mario Saraceno Says:

    All Children Are Equally Important Act (ACAEIA)
    First off, disadvantaged students across America are an important aspect of this law. Keeping decent teachers to educate them is equally important. Making sure all students are held to equal standards is important to reassure a student he/she is not receiving a handout. As a parent it would be devastating to find out your child graduated because the school lowered standards to accommodate him/her. I am 24 and believe the education system is the most important aspect of a functioning economy. I believe colleges should be looking at socio-economic factors when giving privilege to students getting in (instead of based on race) and should be looking to better educate the underprivileged in elementary and secondary educations systems around the U.S. in order to allow them to perform at a level equal to their piers. I believe everyone should look into “The Accountability Illusion” as it pertains to the current arguments about what to do at this current moment. I think we should all get over personal politic crap and come together on education because we are not talking about ourselves for the most part here, but instead are addressing a future generations of creative minds who do not have the choices of creating policy for themselves. Their interest should be number one and not our own agendas. As we move forward on this topic I hope we keep this in mind. All children equally deserve the right to be educated and learn to their fullest potential from a great group of teachers along the way.

  618. paper_phoenix Says:

    How about The Homogenize Our Children Act? Since the current act doesn’t let the cream of the class rise, we might as well name it honestly.

  619. gwendomama Says:

    ‘That Was A Really Stupid Idea But We’ve Learned From Our Mistakes And Will Not Continue To Dumb Down Education For A Nation Of Burger Flippers And Trigger Pullers’

  620. Jason Says:

    I’d suggest
    Testing Won’t Erase Real Problems or TWERP.

  621. Grant Hollermann Says:

    No Child Left Behind No Child Gets Ahead

  622. Mrs. E Says:

    Learning Hard Not Hardly Learning Act
    Opportunities Not Obstacles Education Act
    Succession of Future Leadership Act
    Come On Guys, Kids Can Barely Read Act
    Don’t Just Stand There, Do Something Act

  623. Vicky Says:

    Isn’t it time to channel all that cynicism into something productive for kids? “Every child’s potential unleashed” inspires me to let go of the resentments for all the damage the NCLB Act has done to children and schools and focus on what’s best for our children again.

  624. Mr. Tom D Says:

    How about FEBGA
    Federal Education Bureaucracy Growth Act

  625. Phillip Says:

    Rebuilding Education After Bush (REAB) Pronounced: “rehab”

    However, eight years may not be enough time.

  626. ISUDrum Says:

    MADGAP act

    Moms and Dads Get A Pass act

    Helloooo?? Parents??? are you out there anymore????

  627. marilyn Says:

    How about – We Just Need One More Assessment Act- or

  628. Marci Says:

    “More tests and less exercise creates unhealthy robots”

  629. Pleiades Says:

    Funny story: Texas has a law that a student has to attend at least 90% of the time to be promoted to the next grade. Of course, it’s ignored all the time. Several years ago, we decided to retain a young woman in 8th grade because she had been absent for 69 of 180 days. Her mom came up to the school and informed us that we couldn’t do that because Congress had passed a law called “No Child Left Behind”. So we couldn’t leave her child behind in 8th grade!

  630. Stefush Says:

    Real: ECO Every Child an Opportunity
    Questionable: BLTN Better Late Than Never
    Accurate: HAAP Hope and a Prayer
    Realistic: KTIP Keep Them in Poverty

  631. Chuck Says:


    “Race Or Trot to Top, New Hope for Education for Laggard Losers Act”

    …Just kidding around!

  632. Carolyn Says:

    Seriously, I like this one:

    Children Learning at Successful Schools Act
    CLASS Act

  633. Jill Says:

    Give Special Education Students The Exact Same Test, Then When They Can’t Pass It, Call The School Failing Act.

  634. Bryce Nesbitt Says:

    the “No Flexibly Left Remaining Act”, featuring the “One Size Fits All Or You Get Fined” mandate.

  635. Paul Massman Says:

    Do Over! Do Over!….Dodo (Hopefully soon as extinct!)

    No Childhood Left Because…pols screwed it up.

  636. Jonniebmore Says:

    deep-six that stupid red schoolhouse act

  637. Queenpig Says:


    Blanked up beyond all recognition Act

  638. Queenpig Says:

    From Urban dictionary.com

    The “off the box” act

    the state of being removed from a position of prominence/importance due to a foolish mistake. Related to Michael Phelps being dropped by Kellogg after a picture of him with a bong was released

    Dude, after that bonehead move you are so off the box.

  639. Karen Says:

    In tribute to LOL cats:

    I Can Has Education Act

  640. Phil Says:

    It should be named “There is no “U” in Children Act”

  641. Kherb Says:

    Not that I could possibly top Karen’s LOL cats-inspired submission, but…

    One line of thought:
    Let’s Keep Ignoring Poverty Act
    Burying Our Heads in the Sand Act

    Another line:
    Comprehensive Reform for Achievement and Performance Act
    Testing to Unify for Revitalization and Development Act

  642. east Says:

    I’m not leaving my child behind anymore, so we’re heading to parochial school where they still teach reading, writing and arithmetic Act.

  643. Cranky Ol' Prof Says:

    How about the “American Privatization of Public Education” Act?

  644. CMD Says:

    Equity in Education Act (EEA)

  645. Dick Says:

    My Cash Cow As a Freelance Science Writer Act

  646. Wes Groleau Says:

    A doctor on the radio was lamenting that kids are getting fatter because NCLB has indirectly resulted in shorter and fewer periods of physical activity. He proposes a new law, titled

    No Child Left On Their Behind

  647. Holly Says:

    How ’bout the Widen the Gap Between Rich/White and Poor/or Minority Students Even More Act?

    Or the Mandated Terrorism Against Title I Schools Act?

  648. Mark Says:

    I liked Caroline’s suggestion that we reteach measures of central tendency, especially to our politicians and policy makers. When Pete Wilson was governor of California he said that the goal of our schools was to have every child scoring above the 50th percentile. Therefore, I propose the new law be called the Lake Wobegon Act – All of our children are above average (and good looking).

  649. Jim Arnold Says:

    NPLE – No Principal Left Employed act

  650. Ocyris Says:

    ASSES Act: Arbitrary State Standards Equal Success

    UPHILLS Act: Universal Proficiency Hiding Inadequate Learning through Lowered Standards

    STONED Act: State Takeover Or Nationalization of EDucation

    PISSEDOFF Act: Prepare for Imminent State-Supported EDucation Operating Failures Forever

    Okay, that last one was a stretch.

    100% is true as often as “never” and “always” are true. (Even if I said 100% of men are male, some people would argue the point.)

    On the other hand,
    If we set our sights low enough, anything becomes possible.

  651. Shannon Says:

    Don’t Utilize My Brain (D.U.M.B.) ACT

    Never Educate All (NEA ACT)

    Disabled And Minorities Never Intellectualize Things (DAMN IT) Act

  652. Kellie Says:

    I think a good new name would be the “Making All Children Succeed”
    Act or MACS!!!

  653. Bueller?Bueller? Says:

    No Stone Left Unturned Act…

    Is It June Yet?

  654. Dod Walker Says:

    Since this law was created to beat up on education let’s just call it the “No Stone Left Un-Thrown Act”. Oh and by the way, duck.

  655. Jamie Haines Says:

    Reminiscent of “A rose by any other name…” I believe the new name should be:
    Putting Lipstick on the Pig Act

  656. John Martin Says:

    How about – Generation F (our Future) ACT!

  657. Marcia Grove Says:

    I like what John says: John Roehmer Says:

    How about “Knowledge for Life” as the new name? The basics in education are certainly critical, but the education system needs to deliver young adults ready to confront the realities of building a successful life with the tools and understanding necessary for making moral choices and contributing to our nation.

  658. Mindy Says:

    By way of aspiration, and as an antithesis to what NCLB encouraged, I propose: Advancing Thinking in School Act

  659. John Says:


    or for short ‘TSAADATSA’ (pronounced saadatsa-the T is silent)

  660. Debbro Says:

    I am 50 and attending community college and after three years of seeing the aftermath of NCLB act, here is my proposal

    The dude next to me just graduated high school and can’t spell or read, but at least he gets financial aid act

  661. Bob Says:

    How about the I don’t know anything about it but it sure makes me look smart to put it down and blame Bush even though it had strong bi-partisan support act?

  662. Bob B. Says:

    Public Education Recriminalization Plan (PERP)

  663. Eric Says:

    another vote for ACE – Advancing Childrens Education

  664. Dana Lee Says:

    When Inventing a New Name Is Not Going to Justify A Crapshoot (WINNING JAC) Act.

  665. Thomas O'Neill Says:

    The “Here We Go Again Redux” Act.

  666. Dly Says:

    The “Every Kid is Gonna Read Good and Do Other Things Good Too” Act (EKGRGOTGTA).

  667. Brian Says:

    Let’s call it Get Every Child Ahead (GECA)!

  668. JoeS Says:

    America Was Bushwhacked! Act

  669. Johana Godfrey Says:

    You Suck, You’re Stuck Act

  670. Char Says:

    No Child Left in Tact!

  671. Mike Says:

    DWIT (Dude, Where’s my Instructional Time?)

  672. Heather Says:

    How about the DHKA (Don’t Hold Kids Accountable) Act? In many eduaction systems overseas, the students are held accountable for their learning (not the teachers or the parents or whoever). No wonder our teens are out of control.

  673. Teacher Says:

    Parents Take Some Responsibility Act

  674. Barbara Says:

    I would like to see it named “Repealed.”

    Let’s see if Arne Duncan and Congress do what truly needs to be done regarding this legislation. We survived the Bush Administration. Now let us teach America’s children what they really need to learn.

  675. Diane Jackson Says:

    Well, many years back, I remember looking up the elusive “Nickleby” act that everyone was talking about and finding nothing … until I realized that was the pronunciation of NCLB. And so, in the spirit of reincarnation, I vote for “Dicken’s Revenge.”

  676. Bruce Says:

    I prefer WALK…We All Like Kids….what the hell….I mean, you don’t HATE Children, do you?

  677. mary Says:

    The Destroy Every Creative and Innovative Thinkers Act (DECIT)

  678. Cogitate Says:

    “NCLB Left Behind”

    “Goals 3000: Race to Educate America Act”

    “Act to Educate Act”

  679. Donna Wellings Says:

    No Millionaire Left Behind!

  680. Upgeya Pew Says:

    Indoctrination as a Way of Life Act

  681. viki Says:

    Educating All Children Act

  682. Joseph Davidson Says:

    Forbid spanking children except on the right buttocks. “No child’s left behind”

  683. SchwartzKatt Says:

    No Child Excels So No Child Fails Act

    We have got to stop teaching and tailoring to the bottom rung students and diversify the offerings and opportunities. Education is not one size fits all.

  684. J Mark Says:

    I’m in favor of education that takes individual differences (strengths and challenges) into account, so how about this:
    T’EACH — TO EACH according to his/her needs.

    Or: FR’EACH and T’EACH (kinda like Cheech and Chong) — FROM EACH according to his/her abilities, TO EACH according to his/her needs.

    I know the second suggestion is a lemon, it’ll probably bother some people with the allusion, so here’s another possible name: MARK’S LEMON BILL. (Just don’t ask who Bill is.)

  685. Anastasia Says:

    If that act is left intact we could call it one of several names:

    Teaching to the Test at the Expense of Self Expression and Creativity Act

    The Let’s Pretend that All the Children Are Potential College Material and Crush the Self-Esteem of Those Who Don’t Live Up to that Image Act

    The Forcing Teachers to Rethink Their Choice of Occupation Act

  686. A Miletta Says:

    Changing the name is not the same as fixing the law. See website for No Cow Left Behind: A Cautionary Tale (http://www.urbanedjournal.org/commentaries/comment0014.html)

  687. Denis P. Doyle Says:

    Several suggestions,

    AQFA (Abjure Quick Fixes Act)

    NTLU (No Turn Left Unstoned)

    YSNOT (Yes, So No Opportunity, Try! )

    NGDLU (No Good Deed Left Unpunished)

    INNW — (If Not Now When)

  688. Kelly Says:

    Assess Students’ Success Within Individual Parameters – wait…that acronym isn’t PC

  689. candace crawford Says:

    how about calling it Every special education student left behind. As the law stands now there is no time to teach what these kids really need which is life skills. so the lowest of the low, are being left behind trying to do academics that they will never be able to master because their cognitive abilities are so low.

  690. Another Steve Says:

    I haven’t yet read through the thousand or so entries to see if this has been suggested yet (my eyes always tear up after three or four!) but I think that we need new names both for the administering agency and for their pedagogical activities. I suggest:

    Disempowering Underachievement Multiple-choice-testing Board


    Disempowering Underachievement Multiple-choice-testing Board Educational Reforms

  691. david buckley Says:

    Any education act in America should at least be subtitle The No Hope of Actually Working Act

  692. Lily Says:

    The SITSA (Stick it To Schools Act)

  693. Max Says:

    The Wish We Could Afford Private School Act

  694. RollingMyEyes Says:

    Liberalism is Ruining our Kids Act

    Bitter Liberal Whiny Teachers Stoop to Name-Calling Because They Don’t Know How to Debate Actual Ideas Act

  695. Joey72 Says:

    NCLB version 2.0

    I am a liberal teacher, but not whiny or bitter.

    George W. was well-intentioned when passing this legislation, but like everything it needs to be tweaked. One example, would be the simple fact that some special education students will NOT score at the 100th percentile (as the bill suggests all children can). At the same time that does not mean they cannot learn, and the money from NCLB defintely helps.

    As far as the bitter whiney teachers complaining about teaching to the test. Get over it. Standardized tests are a reality. I believe if you teach your curriculum effectively, believe in your teaching methods, and are passionate about your subject matter, that all your students will score well on the standardized tests regardless of the format, politics, or legislation related to it.

  696. Michael Webb Says:

    Yes We Can Act…

    Yes We Can rename NCLB…
    Yes We Can input changes…
    Yes We Can keep parts the same…
    Yes We Can hold states accountable…
    Yes We Can hold schools accountable…
    Yes We Can hold teachers accountable…
    Yes We Can enforce new laws…
    Yes We Can enforce new methods…
    Yes We Can take away monies…
    Yes We Can give you some money…
    Yes We Can screw you…
    Yes We Can …
    Yes We Can …
    Oh, Yes We Can!

  697. Sam Says:

    Oh Say Can You Read? (After the years long music educators program
    Oh Say Can You Sing? the National Anthem)

  698. Sam Says:

    The Education Recovery Act

    recovering from GW’s total lack of understanding how to educate a child

  699. K. Amato Says:

    The (CH)UMP: The (Cat Herding) Universal Matriculation Plan

  700. Bart Seaman Says:

    Mitigate K-12 Unsatisfactory Learning Test Results Act (MK-ULTRA)

  701. Emily Says:

    Since they got it backwards the first time around, how about the Behind Left Child No Law?

  702. Jeanne Irick Says:

    Grimm’s Law: a fairy tale, by any other name, is still a fairy tale.

  703. gimlet Says:

    IDEA (sorry, pretty retro)

    Take Over and Terminate Special ed students (TOTS)

    Strugglers Ought to Beware (SOB Act)

    Trampling Teacher Aspiration Act (T & A Act)

  704. Lisa C. Says:

    Good Enough for Government

  705. Cathy K Says:

    Second Chances Are Mandatory (SCAM) Act

    If At First You Don’t Succeed Test Again Act

    Cook the Educational Books Act

    No Personal Accountability Allowed Act

  706. Judy Says:

    Children Rigorously Attaining Priorities Act (aka: The CRAP Act)
    The CRAP Act will ensure that all American children are taught to correctly and meticulously color in little circles.

    TRAP Act:
    Teachers Repeating Administrative Policy Act
    The TRAP Act will ensure that quality teachers, while frustrated and jaded, will be forever ensconced in their classrooms. Although every fiber of their being is screaming at them in agony, these individuals will try to fit in actual teaching into their test fueled curricula. The dream, the hope of one day reclaiming their classrooms will keep them in the schools. . .

  707. Sharon Stephenson Says:

    Fifty Ways to Leave Your Classroom Act (FWLYC)

    Early in the days of NCLB, many of us understood that we would be forced out of our roles as excellent teachers.

    So, we began preparing to leave the classroom. We found several ways, some through retirement, with others becoming counselors, librarians, principals, central office administrators, test administrators and university instructors. There must be fifty ways to leave your classroom.

  708. Kelsey Says:

    How about the Students First Act. Arguably, if we name it students first, we should actually put students first. Not teachers, not principals, no labor unions, or other interests.

  709. Happybear Says:

    How about.. The “In Honor of Our Two Inarticulate Presidents – Past and Present Act”

    George W. Bush and Barack Obama both say “Tuh” when they mean To, Too, or Two


  710. Derek Says:

    Bell, Ted’s Excellent Adventure

  711. David J Stein Says:

    My three cents is:

    An addendum to the saying: it takes a village to raise a child and it takes a Nation for his/her Education Act
    A serious entry
    Also we need a zero tolerance for violence in school act
    David J Stein
    Scitech high school springfield ma

  712. Sushi Says:

    The Multiple Choice Act.

    Surely there are bubble letters in the law somewhere. Never again will children be able to answer a question without being given four possible answers.

  713. Lynne L. Says:

    How about “An Act of God Cannot Be Overturned by An Act of Congress Act” even when you take into account all of special education teachers who are now highly qualified, or more simply put, the Let’s Get Real Again Act.

  714. Marissa L. Says:

    Have Your Resume Ready Act

  715. Rytvyt Says:

    More applicable to the previous administration (I hope) but..
    No Child Unfit for Cannon Fodder Act

    that was his goal, after all…

  716. Michelle Says:


    Fill in a bubble, win a prize!

  717. Crazy Says:

    Rolling eyes is clueless. Oh, sorry, I don’t know how to debate.

  718. Lesley Says:

    CAFFC Act – Creating a Future for Children Act

  719. Sarah Says:

    Death to Creative Teaching Act

  720. Mark Says:

    How about:

    1. You Can’t Polish a Turd Act

    2. Just Because I Occupy and Office in Washington D.C. I Obviously Know More About Education Than Those Who are Teaching Act

    3. If Education is So Easy Why Don’t You Quit Your Six-Figure Job and Do It Act

  721. Jason Says:

    1. Only Dumb Children Left Behind (ODCLB)

    2. Expel Failing Students to Raise the National Average (EFSRNA)

  722. Victoria Says:

    Every Child Brought Forward Act (ECBF)
    obviously the opposite of NCLB

  723. Joy Says:

    Future Unfunded Curriculum (and) Kids Educational Directive (need I type the acronym?)

  724. Kama Says:

    No child moves ahead.

    How many kids are going over the same material they already know over and over in the hopes that the last kid in the class will finally understand?

  725. Ben French Says:

    How about the original name: Elementary and Secondary Education Act.

  726. Ben French Says:

    How about the original name: Elementary and Secondary Education Act??

  727. Joel Packer Says:

    Here’s two suggestions:

    Overhauling Bush’s Appalling Mandates for Accountability (OBAMA)

    Optimal Better Accountability Measures for All (OBAMA)

  728. Steve Says:

    Future Academic Improvement Law.

    Kids And Teachers Rebuilding Infrastructure Nationally Act.

    The George W. Bush Law For Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too.

  729. Janet Ewell (a teacher) Says:

    MuTTEM: Multiple-choice Testing to Ensure Mediocrity Act.

    TP Act: Test and Test-prep Publishers’ Full Employment Act

    The “How to Destroy the Nation’s Ability to Commit Democracy in One Generation” Act

  730. Hannah Says:

    It doesn’t need to be renamed, it needs to go away! Education should be at the local and state level for a reason – accountability. Federal programs are so far removed from their stakeholders that accountability goes out the window. We’ve seen ample proof of that.

  731. Ruth Olivia Says:


  732. Elisa Waingort Says:

    How about “Get Behind Every Child Left”

    Or, better yet, why not scrap NCLB as it stands and focus on teaching and learning instead?

  733. Renee Says:

    Have to


  734. Georgia Hedrick Says:

    I love the idea of ‘Multiple Choice Act’ idea! But then there is the ‘Test Without Rest’ Act, possibility. Maybe ’4 Bubbles’ Act… or the ‘PAT-PAT-PAT’ Act (Pass A Test, Pass A Test, Pass A Test) cuz that is the essence of the Law, right? gh

  735. Georgia Hedrick Says:

    btw–tweaking this Law will not help anyone; strangling this Law until it dies might at least make me feel better.


  736. Emily Barz Says:

    I suggest No White, Wealthy Child Left Behind, since our government has decided accountability can fix all our problems while ignoring the bigger problems: racial segregation, student poverty, and inadequte funding.

  737. Carin Says:

    Since I like the principle of the law, but not the application:

    Lost In Translation Act (LITA)

    Since I teach Special Ed:

    Isolate Students Who Struggle in School Act (ISWSISA)

    And since I think Multiple Intelligence Theory is not practiced enough:

    No One Break The Mold Act (NOBTHMA)

  738. Allison Says:

    Leaving Children Behind Because Vocational Careers Are No Longer Worthy Act

    People who aren’t in education need to understand that in most countries all children aren’t even guaranteed a high school education. With No Child Left Behind, educators are supposed to prepare ALL students regardless of special needs or career interests for a four year college. We need to realize that vocational careers are valuable, and start allowing those students to have an alternative way of graduating high school. I am tired of seeing my perfectly trained students through our career center (in fields like cosmetology, building trades, welding, etc) not receiving high school diplomas because they couldn’t pass a college prep geared test.

    I don’t have a funny acronym, but I do have the memories of seeing these children’s faces after learning twelve years of schooling won’t get them a high school diploma because of ONE TEST.

  739. Karen Alden Says:

    Everyone Up-to-Speed Act


    Children reach their potential through the support of knowledgeable, effective teachers and parents. Non-parents and non-teachers can help, too.

    All children should be expected to learn and progress.

    The achievement gap begins before children attend their first day of school. Education excellence will be a reality only when our children enter school “ready-to-learn”.

    Effective teachers and schools empower each child to learn at his/her optimum speed.

    The goal of the U.S. education system should be for each individual student to develop a love of learning and the tools to achieve up to his/her potential (speed).

  740. Dan Lauber Says:

    A few suggestions:

    Learn to the Test, Forget the Rest Act

    No Test Left Behind Act [that one was just too easy]

    All Rational Thinking Left Behind Act

    Magic Bullet Education Act

  741. Chipp Knudsen Says:

    No Child Left Brainy

  742. Dan Lauber Says:

    Continuing the cynical satirical strain:

    Teach to the Test, Ignore the Rest Act
    Teach to the Test, Ignore All the Rest Act

  743. Magie Says:

    Every Child Deserves Better Act **

  744. Bob Stonehill Says:

    The Edward M. Kennedy Education Act of 2010

  745. Pondoora Says:

    The I-just-want-to-get-high-Go-shopping-to-buy-plastic-junk-Watch-hours-of-dumb-TV-Have-as-much-sex-as-I-can-Who-cares-about-learning-a-thing Act.

    Screwed up American cultural and sub-cultural values account for 99% of the dismal test scores. Schools aren’t powerful enough to “fix” that.

    So maybe it should just be the Rots O’ Ruck Act.

  746. M K Walsh Says:

    After all the mini-improvements, “Un Poquito Mas” seems like a fit.

  747. Carolyn Foote Says:

    The HOPE act (doesn’t stand for anything, just hope ;) which is what every student wants us to have for them.)

    “No more cute but propagandistic names” Act?

  748. teacherdee Says:

    No Fat Child Left Behind (since we don’t have time to teach PE anymore)

  749. bj allen Says:

    Fine. Rename it.

    But while we spin our wheels on this topic, how about the Homeland Security thing?

    Am I the only person in America who hears in the word “Homeland” echoes of Hitler and Nazi Germany?

    Whenever I hear the word, I cringe. I cannot seem to laugh at the historical nudnicks who didn’t make the connection when they applied it to a department of my government.

    Yet we spend time on what this is named??

  750. Michelle Says:

    How about “12 years of learning ‘how to stay gainfully employeed until you can’t work physically or mentally work anymore’ act”
    coupled with a “If you don’t think it’s your responsibility to be involved in your child’s education, you should not be a parent act.”

  751. Virend Says:

    I think it should be named “Annek Act” meaning different in Hindi. Different race, different ethenic group, different age group, different color, different schools, and etc in terms of no child left behind – All sum up as ‘Annek”.

  752. Savato Says:

    What about:

    Retards Are Our Future Act

    Mammoth Funding Catapult To Avoid Mammoth Funding Vacuum Act

    The LOL Act: Let’s Obstruct Learning

    The Quit Being So Ahead Act

    The Hey-parents-if-you-want-to-go-on-a-drunken-crime-spree-we-will-just-fire-your-kid’s-teacher-later Act

    The Make Our Children Is Learned Already In The Future Act

    The Drug Party Act (interpret that how you like)

    But in all seriousness, it should be (and the name should reflect what it is):
    The All Child Progression Act

    Bright children are discriminated against in our society, although it isn’t always apparent. Just as an example, I found kids at one supposedly great school in the Special Ed and TAG (Talented And Gifted) categories. The Special Ed group was a three hour class with the obviously best funding at the school. The TAG group met once for fifteen minutes during lunch, and they just sat around eating the entire time. That was their first and last “meeting”. If anyone wonders why kids hate school, it may just be because they are bored out of their minds because they aren’t learning anything. Meanwhile, the only people who are learning anything is the Special Ed group, but because the teacher is teaching everything to the test, the kids aren’t actually understanding any of it. I am actually still in school, and the only time I have ever learned more than three important things in a given year was in a private school, where NCLB didn’t apply. This year, for my testing (in a public school), I was asked how many chromosomes a sheep has. If that doesn’t sound weird enough yet, I am in 8th grade. Let’s pause for a second. When, if ever, will I need to know how many chromosomes a SHEEP has?!

    In conclusion, if these are the questions asked of us, teaching to the test entails random deviations into the unnecessary and just plain stupid. And the Special Ed programs will always be grossly overfunded. We should ask “Will another 10 million really make these children learn anything more or better than they do now?” Because as long as everyone is teaching to the test, it won’t.

  753. Karen Says:

    All Children Helped Ahead

    This is the opposite of the No Child Left Behind language. It is positive, inclusive, and hopefully places focus on a more educable part of the body!

  754. Chad Says:

    The “No Teacher in America Can Conform Act”.

  755. Greg Rock Says:

    Let’s go with a name that get to the heart of this legislation:
    The “No Parents Held Accountable Act”

  756. Greg Says:

    As an amendament to the “No Parents Held Accountable Act”, I suggest that a standardized parenting test be administered to would be parents. Like schools, if parents pass the test then fine, they may keep their children. If they fail, they would be labeled “PINI” parents (Parents In Need of Improvement) and would have to demonstrate progress after being tutored, mentored, and retested. If no progress is demonstrated, the children would be taken over and raised by wolves who would at least teach the kids how to provide for themselves.

  757. Andy Says:

    As a teacher, I’d have to say “No Mandate Left Funded” would be a more appropriate name.

  758. Andy Says:

    Couldn’t resist one more: “Proof That Politicians Aren’t Educators” Act

  759. Andy Says:

    OK, last two, I promise! “Social Studies Left Out” and “No Well-Rounded Students” Act.

  760. Luke Laurie Says:

    Education For a Stronger Tomorrow


  761. Kat F Says:

    How about “Our Future caretakers Act”…they

  762. Kat F Says:

    WILL be taking care of all of us someday…or NOT

  763. Kat F Says:

    “Teachers Pay for Their Own Supplies Act”
    “America Is On the Short List in Education Act”
    “Future Chinese Citizens Act”
    “We Used to Be A World Power Act”…now we are turning out high school drop outs and record numbers of teen parents

    Ok…seriously, “Rebuild Our Youth Act”

  764. Nancy Says:

    How about…

    No more Crap Like Bush’s


    Nattering, Carping, Lowlife Beaureaucrats (remember Agnew?)

    or (seriously)

    SAEC (Success for All America’s Children)

  765. Nancy Says:

    Oops! I meant:

    SAAC (Success for All America’s Children)

  766. Milca Says:

    Bright Child Education Act (BCEA)

  767. Ray K Says:

    We Are Going To Teach All Children Come Hell or High Water or
    The WA GG TT A CC HH WA Act

  768. Karen W. Says:

    How about we figure out the changes Congress and the current administration have in mind, then name it? Seems like common sense…course politicians don’t like to use common sense very much when it comes to education in America.

  769. brent flower Says:

    NO CHILD LEFT WITH A MIND.(more accurate) Bring integrity and love back. Take a shot at healing OUR mess. Who knows? PERHAPS IT WILL BE THE ONE HEARD AROUND THE WORLD!

  770. Allen Sampson Says:

    Delusional Egalitarians Taking Revenge On Intelligent Testees?

    Or perhaps No Behind Left Behind would be a more memorable entry.

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  775. Karen Says:

    We’ve been calling it the “All Children Left Behind Act.”

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  779. Buzz Says:

    Mental Asset Recovery Plan (MARP)

  780. essay writing Says:

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  782. lose christmas weight Says:

    The issues raised in the comments to this blog are pretty interesting…and sometimes funny. As for the name how about Make Kids Learn Good Act? :)

  783. Buffy Says:

    the name was kinda silly because there were still children left behind..

  784. Lawyers Says:

    Interesting post, in most countries the education of children in public schools needs to be improved. This law and funding is very important, if there is going to be an improvement and better education I would use the name “The Kids Are All Right”

  785. Hay Fever Injection Says:

    Well, it was only a matter of time until they named that law, no wonder why the have not yet made use of the hay fever injection.

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